Perception

 I have written about my wrestle with perceptions before. 

I find myself re-visiting this topic and, maybe, with more insights than I had before. I just gave a speech, where I found a different way to explain the reality of perceptions.

I asked the audience to look at this picture. 

I shared how some people will look at this picture and the first thing they will notice is the dirty, muddy, road. I have a friend that is allergic to everything and not about ANY creepy crawlies. I would bet my hard-earned money those would be her first thoughts. 

Some people will get excited OR nervous about what could be at the end of that road or driveway. Will they need to make a decision? I can feel the anxiety building.... Will the view be so spectacular they are left in awe? (Two different perceptions right here.)

Some people will be drawn to the light, which then allows them to appreciate ALL that the light is shining on. It may cause them to truly study the picture and the beauty in it. 

What is the truth? All of them and none of them, all at the same time. We form our perceptions based on our life experiences. EVERY perception we make as humans if from a limited vantage point. Therefore, how great would it be if EVERYONE moved through life knowing that there is moRE to EVERYTHING. I think we would see more second chances, more conversations, more respect, and A LOT more grace for one another. 

One of the many things I have wrestled with in business, is the general perception of others. The perception of the general public, my clients, bidders, non-profits, family, and friends....the list could go on and get broken down even more, in some regards. I wrestle with it, even though I KNOW the above..... That there is moRE to everything. There are things that I don't see. There are things that I don't understand, and the same for others. 

Over the years, I have had to learn the finesse of living with the one overall truth, which is that: Our perceptions are reached by our own experiences, which are true - BUT, all of our perceptions are limited. Thus, not the ULTIMATE truth....which is the only one that really matters. I think this is one of the major reasons grace, mercy, and forgiveness are so important to God and are in so many of His messages to us. Our perceptions will ALWAYS (until maybe when Jesus comes back) be limited. That is a fact. The more wisdom He deposits in us, the more we will know, and (most likely) need to ask forgiveness for. 

I could write a book about the role perceptions have played in the growth and restructuring of my business. However, what I REALLY want to leave you all with is this truth....this explanation. As you see changes happening around you and you feel the feels on whether or not you like it, whether or not it's "right," whether or not it is "fair," whether or not it was "handled properly," JUST REMEMBER - everyone's vantage point is different and NONE of them see the full picture. 

I am a firm believer that The Holy Spirit ebbs and flows at God's command. I am also a firm believer that The Holy Spirit is mysterious and thorough in His movements. I promise you, that our God knows each one of us so intricately. He knows how hard certain things are for us to let go. He knows our hearts in such a way, that He removes what we will not. He cuts the rope of what we keep hanging onto. He places just the right people in our path at just the right time, and removes the influence of persons, places, or things that are NOT part of His plan for our lives. So much of it won't make sense, but we want it to. 

It is why grace and mercy and forgiveness are bypassed for judgement and condemnation so often. We want to understand. We want to make it so. We want to have some handle on why things are the way they are. Yet....this is why He asks us to Just. Have. Faith. in Him. We can't. He can, and He LOVES us so incredibly and fully....WAY more than we love ourselves. Buck Up Baby! & have a little faith. You know what you know, but there is SO much you do not. Trust Him. 

Also...be sure to put perceptions where they belong. Rest in God's truth and the wisdom He has blessed you with. Doing this files off the rough edges that brush against you when experiencing the limited perception of others. 

Just Because You Could - Doesn't Mean You Should

 Today, I was brought back to some of the thoughts that ran through my head before I decided to really pursue building my own business, instead of working for someone else. Without Jesus, I would not be here. Those prayers, back then, were a kind all their own....fervent, desperate, FULL of fret and worry, talking out loud ALL....EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. OF. MY. CONCERNS..... Jesus knew them. Even though He called me, I was not able to recognize it right away. I questioned EVERY thought. I thought of EVERY scenario....EVERY possibility.....REALLY sat with the less than favorable possibilities, let it saturate me and then decide if I was willing to make the sacrifice and FOLLOW Jesus's call. A TD Jakes sermon & The Holy Spirit snapped me into action back then and......here I am....more than a decade later.....and TD Jakes has once again motivated me with one of his sermons and I felt that familiar feeling. The feeling of ALLOWING God to show me. To put all my plans, thoughts, ideas, limited knowledge to the side and....well....BUCK UP BABY & RIDE WITH JESUS!

This brings me to my most beautiful lesson this week. In business.....just because you COULD, does NOT mean you should. Sometimes.....we are SO hard-headed that God literally has to LET US recognize for ourselves our weaknesses. He let's us FEEL the discomfort, angst.....He lets us struggle in our limited knowledge. 

I am a person that likes to be in motion. Sitting still, focusing on numbers, piecing things together, and trying to figure out how to make a program work.....that's not my thing. Yes. Once upon a time that was my thing....because I was curious....engaged....interested....learning. That being said, I identified years ago, that - that was one of my least favorite parts of the business and taught, encouraged, hired, and/or trained others to do that very thing. NOW.....as I sit in the middle of my reset, fumbling my way through what's next...wanting to BE REAL SURE I need a person to do X, Y, Z....I have never been more sure of anything in my life.

My brain was SOOOOOOOOOO tired that once I struggled my way through programs and documents and process manuals, and FAQ web pages, then double, triple, & quadruple checking my numbers (which BTW....as I sit at my daughter's music recital, realize I forgot a very important deduction that was accounted for, but not notated) I realized that....when I work myself to a place where basic addition and subtraction is a struggle......it's time to let it go. AND...if that wasn't enough to convince me....after ALL the corrections and THINKING I was printing page 9 of a 9 page document.....I take a call and, by the end of it, have NINE FULL COPIES OF A NINE PAGE DOCUMENT....that is not where I'm supposed to be.... THUS, just because you could, doesn't mean you should. 

God gives us such AMAZING gifts. TRULY, when I started this whole journey FRUSTRATED with my J.O.B. at the time....I HAD NO IDEA that I would one day become a Texas Reserve State Champion Auctioneer, learn how to sell EVERY type of asset under the sun, and HELP RAISE MILLIONS for non profits! In fact, when I started this journey....being an auctioneer was a thought written in a journal out of frustrated prayer. I reached a point where I did all I knew how to do in my own knowledge and ability and I did not know what to do. I AM SO THANKFUL FOR MY OBEDIENCE. 

God knows that sometimes we have to wear ourselves down to the place where we will be obedient; where we have exhausted all we know & we SURRENDER. 

And as I type that, I think to myself....knowing all this....why is it still SO HARD? I'd like to think that God is teaching us how to trust Him the way we will, one day, need to trust Him. Every time we get ourselves to these places we trust God a little more. AND....it is not that we don't want to trust Him...it's that we don't know how and He is teaching us. It gets easier to say yes. It gets easier to step into the unknown and LET HIM paint the road as you walk. We can't rush it. We can't make plans. We can simply EXPERIENCE His goodness and His grace and His mercy towards us & LET HIM SHOW US!

BUCK UP BABY & RIDE WITH JESUS! GO where He takes you. No questions and no expectations. 

Funk

I find myself gravitating towards writing to the small business owner. Today I want to talk about the FUNK!

When I talk about FUNK; I do NOT want you to associate a negative connotation to it. I want you to look at it as more of a reality that surfaces in your life more than looking at it as a rare occurrence. 

I also do NOT want you to think that any of this is my complaining, because I am really not. I'm writing about a REALITY. I am writing about that funky friend that hangs around and adds to your life and teaches you things. It is the best noun I can come up with, for the "thing" that we get from walking and working through our daily experiences. It is FUNK because it is ALWAYS uncomfortable. 

For example, TODAY my allergies are REALLY working me over. I very rarely have allergies flare up and I have things to do and I stopped myself as I getting ready to beat myself up and called it what it was. OWNED the funky reality that I just don't feel good and the BEST thing is to pivot. What did I learn about this ABNORMALITY to my day-to-day life? 

1) I feel bad and when I feel bad I am less productive. 

2) Knowing that I need to refine, delegate, & reschedule my work plans. Do what I can & ACCEPT that reality......which is FUNKY for me. 

3) Ultimately.....THIS FUNK is teaching me how to STOP running into a brick wall over and over again. Accept it. Turn away from the wall. Go in another direction. 

The other day, I had a WONDERFUL day. I could see how things were lining up, working out and noticing the PROGRESS towards my goals. Then, the FUNK of not knowing what to do with that feeling made me uncomfortable. It made me aware. It frustrated me, but it also TAUGHT ME. It taught me: 

1) This feeling is my new reaction to good things. 

2) I need to acknowledge it, feel it, and keep moving past it. It is a symbol of change that, although uncomfortable, is a sign of progress and that makes me very happy, optimistic, & encouraged.

Another example (because they really are helping me paint the picture): I am trying to change and adjust processes. I have taken steps towards that adjustment and those steps are causing AGITATION in me. I know the agitation is a product (FUNK) of change and implementation. What do I now know? 

1) I am going to feel agitated if I implement steps in reaching the goals I set for myself. 

2) I should welcome the agitation because that means change is happening and....although uncomfortable, I'm taking the right steps to transform my life. 

The outcome of ALL of these examples is: FUNK is here to stay. It is a welcome, yet annoying friend that hangs with me on the journey. 

If you are going to stick with your goal of creating positive change in your life, you may as well BUCK UP BABY & get used to feeling FunKy!

The other thought that is sticking with me is:.......if you are NOT a small business owner, but find yourself experiencing the remnants of the funk when you are around certain people......EXTEND GRACE. We could work for BIG business, but YOU CHOOSE US because we have that little something special that BIG businesses do not have. To get to experience that SPECIAL, you will also have to EXPERIENCE THE FUNK with us. 

What's next?!

 Guys....I have found myself a quiet moment. A scheduled meeting didn't work out for the client, my husband is fixing my Mom's faucet, Mom has the kids, and I sit quietly here in my little office after a full day of collecting and coordinating pick ups for a consignment auction that just closed, an online fundraising auction that just closed, pondering real estate prospects, possibilities, and upcoming marketing moves and I am grateful. 

Where this magic happened :)!
Photo Cred: Brenda Rose

This past year has been tough, but SO FULL of lessons. Albeit, lessons I didn't necessarily WANT to learn at the time, but ones I am grateful for now. 

You know....God didn't create us to be automated. He didn't create us to be systematic. He created us to be unique and different and to pursue our gifts and the desires of our hearts. He also desired us to fellowship with other humans. 

Those signs were created when I needed to let my mind unwind. 

Man! I have been SO unsure about SO MANY things this year. At times, I really have turned myself loose from situations to LET GOD, because I could not decide what was "right" and what was "wrong," but I did TRUST that whatever came of it, God could fix any of it. I don't know that I have ever really been in that place as many times AND like I have been this year. It is an exercise of faith, but.....at times, that exercise (temporarily) hurts. God uses everything. What He did make clear to me is that sometimes others will be hurt while you make an effort to help yourself. 

Those that ask, those that have worked alongside me and those that read my blogs KNOW, that I look at this business as a ministry. God has called me to use a gift, I had NO IDEA I had, to DO GOOD......TO HELP His people.....TO TEACH His people.....TO SERVE His people. I really do take it very serious. I am typically slow to make decisions because I really like to watch, listen, ask questions, confirm, think about things from all the angles and pray.....I should pray MORE.

God has taken me through a course of how to love and appreciate and honor MYSELF. HARD! You talk about H.A.R.D. Even as I read it back I shake my head....and maybe even do a little eye roll.... It makes me uncomfortable. I'd rather just go do something. BUT.....it is paying off. Scaling back in the manner that I have, has allowed me to fully experience all the things I had others doing for me and allowed me to REALLY KNOW what I still like....love almost and what I don't. The type of client I work best with and the kind I don't; The value of the knowledge, experience, and skill that I bring to the table; The amount of time I want to invest in my faith, my family, myself, & my what's next :). 

What was REALLY hard has turned to excitement....not busting at the seams excitement, BUT building momentum excitement. I would not have that if I didn't walk the hard walk and do the hard things and experience all the funkiness........& there was A LOT of it. Walking through the uncertainty.....really wallering through the uncertainty has brought me to what is to come. There are still uncertainties, but they look a little more exciting and a little more inviting. 

I am here to tell you…to get here...the journey is ROUGH. The journey is heart-breaking, ego-deflating, friendship-changing, humble-pie caliber,  people will think something is wrong with you for choosing it type of journey. You will want to throw your hands up, find a hole to crawl into, second-guess EVERY decision you ever made, re-enter the workforce..... Then.....you'll find yourself here with MORE knowledge and wisdom and experience AND a clearer understanding of whatever it is YOU have to POUR OUT INTO THE WORLD. If you want to have a FULL OF CHARACTER small business, you better BUCK UP BABY! There is NOTHING easy about it, but....as always.....the ride will be worth it. 

How much space looked at the start of my 2nd beginning. :)

Buck Up Journey Memoir: Decision Making in the Scaling Process

 As a small business owner, there are moments when you really do feel all alone. You may have people around you TRYING to love on you, but....they just can't understand the place you find yourself. Other small business owners may be able to identify with parts of it, but there are really moments (there were for me) where NO ONE could help me. For me, these are moments when I would lean on Jesus....and sometimes He was silent. I know He has His reasons, but these are definitely uncomfortable moments. 

Over the years....I've learned a lot about a lot. As I stated in my previous blog: "A Chapter Comes to an End," sharing some of the things that I carried alone is really helpful to me and I know it will help others. In this memoir I want to share my journey and evolution in decision making. 

Headlights if the auction doesn't end before dark. 

What the first 75-80 lots will be in the first hour, as people are getting to the auction. 

The best way to ship fenders to Canada, along with the other parts purchased. 

How to (on the fly for the vast majority of this project) entertain, track, record,

and ensure that all SOLD items get payment collected and item received into the right hands, with people everywhere.  All except maybe one person was volunteer. 

In all things, each and every decision you make opens up Pandora's Box of then numerous other possibilities. In my business and in discussions regarding my business, I told people that I would qualify the risk. What I meant by this is: I would think a major decision all 360 degrees around it. When I was growing my business this concept worked for me, it worked for the client, it worked for the crew, it worked for business. As my business started growing and adapting over the years this....making decisions based on "qualified risk," seemed to cramp peoples' style/expectations/workflow. When more people get involved and you have a business where success and satisfaction with the end results is really not black and white. You have to be able to pivot, change your mind, adjust, re-assess, and do what is best for the end-goal of the project. That really doesn't gel well with employees and the desire for.....quantifiable progress. 

As a small business owner, of a service-oriented business, I adapted to suit the needs and the demands and it worked for awhile. What I did not factor into my decision-making was more employees + more clients = more decisions to make and more people making decisions. 

Here's the real deal of what I found and I would imagine this has been the experience of many other small businesses. People say this all the time. I heard this same thing SO many different ways and I still walked into the abyss. (This is because...when I heard it I knew NOTHING about this place.) The place where....ANYONE who is not you....the person that has poured their heart and soul and time and money and effort and sacrificed in numerous different ways....anyone else just doesn't "get it." They don't know what to let go of and what to pursue. They don't know how to talk to people in tense situations. They don't have the confidence to pick up the phone to alert a regular buyer of upcoming inventory. More Employees+More Clients=More decisions..... Long story short....one of the moments when I picked my head up from the work - I noticed a watered-down version of what I built. I was also losing my zest. In situations where I once made really good thought out decisions that were SO purpose-driven; I reached a place where I did not want to have to make a decision.

Just me....with guidance from Uncle Melvin

Me & 10 crew members at a fundraiser. I had gotten up to 15+/- employees. 

Another fundraising event with 9 crew members. 

Then....I stopped to make a decision and found myself having to analyze the best way to move forward with where we were, based on the needs of the area and the tools at hand. Looking back....I wish I would have taken a different approach. Instead of trying to "get back" what I thought was lacking; I should have stopped long enough to REALLY dissect the situation. Take inventory of ME. Who I was 10 years ago is not who I am now. The needs of the community, that my company can meet, are not the same as they were 10 years ago when we got started. 

My lessons in decision making in a small business trying to scale is this:

1) Reassess YOU periodically. In a service-based business YOU are the one that will keep it going. YOU are the one that will be standing when no one else is. YOU will be handed the good, the bad, and the ugly and have to figure out what to do with it all. When you look up and things look different....don't take the stance or the responsibility of "fixing it." Take a moment to understand where YOU are and then proceed. 

2) I still like using the approach of qualifying your risk. You have to be sure to HARD SCHEDULE time to do that. Prioritize it. 

3) Be responsible for yourself FIRST. I know there is all sorts of information out there that may tell you otherwise, BUT....like I said above. YOU will be the one left holding the bag. YOU & your family are FIRST. If people around you....employees, clients, vendors, customers are not ADDING to you MORE THAN they are taking away from YOU; t

+he business will not sustain itself. The more people around you, the more you have to stay on top of maintaining this. Everything moves faster and multiplies quicker....even just adding one more person into the mix. 

4) If you are in a service-oriented business, sometimes it is just not scalable. At least not the way you imagine it. Don't be so hard-headed and be able to LET LOOSE OF AN IDEA. Give it a little rope and it might just lead you to something that is BETTER. 

Look, small business owners are scrappers. More times than not, we are going to be able to help a very small portion of the population. We are the special. We are the flavor. We are the ones that are willing to sacrifice some comforts others are not, so we can simply be ourselves and do the things we are good at by helping others solve their problems, creating something that will make their lives easier, or entertaining people and bringing them just a little bit of happy into their world. Growing up, I was taught that character is achieved by doing, by going through it and EXPERIENCING every bit of something. For example: If you are going to show horses, you have to ride some bad ones to appreciate the good ones. You have to do things "wrong" to know the importance of doing it right. You have to SOAK UP ALL OF IT. In my business, I had to have a couple bad auctions to KNOW and appreciate the good ones. I had to take a chance on an average auction to know whether or not to do that again. I had to TRY and scale my original process to know things will be compromised UNLESS I can be cloned into multiples with all the knowledge and experience I possess. I had to make decisions to know. Just know, if you are going to be in small business and make it and sustain it, BUCK UP BABY! Get some thick skin and get after it. 

A Chapter Comes to an End

You talk about a rough few months. I AM PAYING ATTENTION. I took the liberty of reading my blogs from this first chapter, where the "Buck Up" journey began. As I documented my thoughts and feelings...from the most humblest of beginnings...I would contemplate whether some of those words mattered....whether those stories needed to be told.....whether certain credit was even interesting to the reader. 

I KNOW, without the shadow of a doubt, that IT ALL MATTERS. As I find myself holding a heavy, HEAVY page and have CONTEMPLATED for MONTHS (at least) on whether or not it was time to turn it, I AM SO GRATEFUL to be able to look back at the last chapter. Having the opportunity to use my own words to........give me the COURAGE and STRENGTH & CONFIRMATION to turn this heavy page is a beautiful gift I gave to myself....and others, quite possibly. 

As I read my blogs from the beginning of this journey it was really such a mix of awkwardness, nervousness, uncertainty and gradually mounted to EXCITEMENT & courageous steps, INTENSE moments of soul-searching and digging and digging and digging to get to my WHY. Part of me was SO glad when I left the "corny" stage of my blog writing & now, as I grin recalling it, I think....maybe I should inject a little more of that "corny."

My WHY was SO clear. It was SO incredibly clear from the beginning.....to help people. Whatever people came into my life I wanted to help them and I did. I went from wanting to help the organizations and bidders that gave me a chance to the friends that were comforting in scary times to other auction companies, to the clients that hired me to assist with settling their loved one's estate to raising money to help make a sick friend's life easier. Then I transitioned to wanting to help other auctioneers, working mothers, women in business, people on the edge of making a life-changing transition. 

What a journey.  WHAT. A. JOURNEY! As I begin quoting the courageous words that have given me all that I need to turn the page I want anyone reading this to KNOW.....IT ALL MATTERS. It matters SO much...even the corniest of the corny! Buck Up Baby & be BRAVE enough to put yourself out there KNOWING that you will grow. You will grow into who you are called to be.....and you'll keep groWING. 

Why is this page SO heavy? Well....it's FILLED with these invisible questions that have no answers. Energy used to not really be a concern of mine. Ten years ago, I had plenty of it and the excitement of something new just fueled it. Now, in my mind, each invisible question has a weight I attach to it. EVERY decision we make takes a certain amount of time, money, and energy and you can't get it back....not easily at least. Now my fuel supply of experience was slowing me down. As I went back to my very first blog called "Just Gettin' Started," I say: "If you don't know what to do...just do something. That's probably the sales skills in me." 

This is the first known picture I have of me selling. This is at Carmine VFD, taken by the late Melissa Wickel. 

I don't know (in FULL view) what is next. I have these little bread crumbs. That is all I have, and...the combination of bread crumbs don't always make sense, but then again....neither did a young mother, with a college degree in advertising....& a good paying job....feeling called to figure out all she could about the business of selling things by talking fast. It really is SO much more than that, but I'm not sure I knew that in the beginning.  Here is to me doing SOMETHING. I am turning the page, finishing the chapter, and starting another.....with a COMPLETE blank page in front of me. 

From "Startin' to Tackle That Mountain," I said: "My overall MAJOR plan is to pursue my auction career. I have a plan, but having worked with MANY businesses of all shapes and sizes over the last 7 years I KNOW that certain elements of that plan will have to change, happen sooner, happen later, happen differently, not happen at all...So for now, until I get more of the details panned out, I'm pursuing my auction career." 

I smile as I re-read that. I had NO IDEA what was in store for me. I had dreams, within the industry, that I chose not to pursue.....because I was made aware of something bigger and better than what I was able to dream. I smile because I made a business and a life and MANY friends doing things in this industry that I had NO KNOWN DESIRE to embark on. When I wrote that I had NO IDEA that I would go on to have numerous appearances on a hit TV Show, like Texas Flip N' Move or achieve the title of 2021 Texas State Reserve Champion Auctioneer. I'm still working on the Champion title. 

Photo Cred: Myers Jackson on my first or second shoot with Texas Flip N' Move.

Wrapping up shoots for a season.

Toni, Donna, & Randy joined the Buck Up Crew for Lights, Camera, Texas benefiting the Family Crisis Center and Children's Advocacy Center.

One of my last shoots. We brought little Hunter along. The last season I shot with them I was either pregnant with Hunter or just had him. The fam made a trip out of it with me and we spent a few days in DFW. 

Last 4 Photos: Photo Cred - Myers Jackson

Today, my overall plan is to turn the page. I have ideas and I have the ability to pivot at any given moment. God & life has taught me that. 

There reaches a point when you reach the goals you set out for. You made and continue to make the most of EVERY situation. You EXPLORE and you find. Then...you find yourself wanting more of something and not really knowing what. For me, I want to live out God's purpose for me. I don't want to miss a thing. I don't want to NOT experience what God has planned for me. In God's most perfect way, The Holy Spirit led me to a class that was less about skill development and totally about self-development and discovery. It was the Interpersonal Communications Class offered by the National Auctioneers Association. I wrote a blog about my experience called "Accept the Compliment." 

My Interpersonal Communications Class

The Compliment Giver - Suz

The life-changing truth uncovered about myself in that class was: "I had such little respect for myself that I squandered every EXTRA ounce of energy I had on being better and perfect for other people, with ABSOLUTELY no regard for myself." Yeah...it's HEAVY.....kind of like this page I'm getting ready to turn. It amazes me how we function...how we cope as humans....and the things we do in response to trauma. I REALLY do want to experience all God has planned for me and there was no way that was ever going to happen if I didn't own the fact that I was not respecting myself and then dive into what that meant. As I look back, this was a pivotal lesson, that took quite some time for me to grasp. It also took me down and kept me on a path, I hadn't planned on going down. 

Now.....having walked through similar situations meaning....hitting "brick walls" within the workplace...when it was The Good Lord's way of shutting doors to help me make the decisions He needed me to, to get me going the direction He needed me to. Another example would be....things just not working and forcing me to make decisions I would not normally make. I AM PAYING ATTENTION.  I have walked that walk and do not want to resist that truth any longer than necessary. I have identified these transitional moments and messages as I have made my way to where I am now. 

Over the last several months I have found myself unwilling to be disrespectful to myself. Isn't that a novel idea. I find myself being more thoughtful, asking myself more questions before making a decision, saying NO more easily, knowing what I DON'T like and what I will not allow to mess with my peace. My peace has become EXTREMELY important to me and if someone or something is not contributing to my peace, it has made my decision-making process much easier. MUCH. In fact, I have made decisions that create short-term stress at the aim of life-changing peace. 

My blog post: "A Locomotive Rolling Down the Tracks," is raw. It is real. It is confusion and frustrations and thoughts that went from my brain, to my fingertips, to your screen. You may want to check it out for reference. In that post I said: "For 10 years I built and developed something that I thought I wanted to, that served a purpose and helped many people - including myself, in many different ways and in many different seasons." I DID build and develop something I wanted to. Just because that is what I wanted then....when my focus was SOLELY to be better FOR OTHERS and their needs. That does NOT make it wrong. The way we did things, the choices I made, the services we offered were COMPLETELY in line with what was important to me. Now....other things are important to me also. HONORING and BEING KIND to myself is something brand new that BARELY existed in the last chapter. Now that, that vision is clear - I can turn the page and invite you along. 

Father, I am thankful for these words....Your words that you have brought me this week, to ENCOURAGE me to believe: "For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope." Romans 15:4 NIV

You can check out my other blog: Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus!

Buck Up Baby....& turn the page!

Locomotive Rolling Down the Tracks

Here I am. Back at my blog. I usually find myself back here, when I'm just not sure what the future looks like. I try to migrate back from time to time, but my posts never seem to have quite the PURPOSE behind them, unless I feel like I'm feeling my way through a dark room, blindfolded, with noise all around me. 

Ask and you shall receive. Knock and the door will be opened for you. I am glad it is open, but it is surely uncomfortable. For 10 years I built and developed something that I thought I wanted to, that served a purpose and helped many people - including myself, in many different ways and in many different seasons. My good friend Steve Kelley used to say that it is like a locomotive is coming down the tracks and it's coming apart as it travels & there are a few of us keeping it together as we keep moving. 

Well folks....when it reaches a point where people just want to ride on the train, but won't shovel any coal, won't turn any bolts, and won't do what needs to be done to keep the train moving AND on the tracks it breaks down. 

In some aspects I've looked at me getting to this point as a failure. Good thing I got Covid and didn't feel like doing anything except sleeping and thinking. I did not fail, because I gave all I could give of myself until I felt like there was nothing left for me to do. No other opportunity I could present and truly...no more energy for me to exert. The train has to stop. I unhooked some carts and left them back on the tracks and now the locomotive engine is in for maintenance. 

Being a small business owner is hard work, but worth it - if you love what you do. Being a growing small business is harder work because you are taking what you love and sharing it with more people, in hopes of helping more people. The sharing it with more people part.......That is what has brought me to where I am. 

Some can argue that I have been able to help more people. What people don't necessarily see though is to what compromise? If sharing the gift with more people does not ignite. If I can't pass that vision on to people willing to pick up the torch and run in  the same direction....the actual work suffers. They may be willing to hold the torch, but they aren't willing to run.

I'm over here holding a shovel, trying to drive the train, telling someone else what needs to be done, to help me and I have to pee. When the train screeches to a halt I look up and realize the absurdity of what I have done to myself.... What I DID NOT pay attention to as I wore myself out working for everyone else. 

SMALL BUSINESS OWNERS MOVING INTO "THE NEXT LEVEL" OF YOUR BUSINESS:

Budget yourself REAL TIME quarterly - NOT 30 minutes to an hour.....several days to think EXTREMELY CRITICALLY of the direction you are going and if it aligns with what YOU (the builder) REALLY wants. It took me several hard conversations, realizing some hard truths, and LOTS of soul-searching. (I needed a full week.)

I am not quitting. I am servicing the locomotive and doing what I (that's ME, JUST me.) can do. The train stops. I'm going to take care of me, clean myself up, and start where I am, with what I - little ole' me can do. It may not keep moving, but the cargo will get there. The train will arrive and it will be ALL the good things that I can do. 

Notice to all of those other conductors driving a locomotive down the tracks: At the first sign of compromise AKA:

-Paying everyone but yourself

-Doing SO much more than those around you, AS THEY WATCH YOU

-Having to double-check work because you don't trust that it has been handled properly

-Providing more tools and continuing to lose efficiency. 

Sometimes your small business is you. GIVE YOURSELF THAT CREDIT. You built and developed something that helped others. You helped people make it through tough periods of life-changing transition. You built it because you saw a need. You shared it with others and YOU have given it all you had to give. Seriously....I drove it until the wheels fell off. 

This may seem a tad dramatic, but it is EXACTLY what it feels like. It is literally pouring all of yourself into something and someone(s) with ONLY your limited knowledge and experience....until you can't. Hopefully this blog can serve as a checkpoint before it comes to a screeching hault. 

What is so wild is that, drastically changing and downsizing ONE revenue stream, still leaves us with so many amazing opportunities.