My husband works shift work and I am SUPER grateful that his position is still essential, but getting used to his shift schedule was an adjustment. I felt like I was finally getting into a rhythm with it & THEN.....Covid-19.
I learned that things are relatively consistent when he's off or working days, but those night runs.... The effect it has on me is....I wear myself out the first couple days & then I FINALLY pick my head up and realize that I can't do the same amount of work those days as I do others. I'm not saying that is how it works for everyone, but that is what it's like for me.
Then....what I felt like I was FINALLY getting a handle on was: not completely loading my workdays up on Kyle's off days. That was a bad habit I picked up, but not on purpose.....just trying to balance my workflow.
I really had to be a student of it for several months before I learned these things & then....many times...I'd get halfway through a night run before I realized it.
I bring all this up because we are such creatures of habit. The Covid-19 pandemic has rocked EVERY habit, every schedule, every process, every rhythm....
Even the things that SEEM to have not changed, have changed, because EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON. HAS. CHANGED.....which changes the rhythm.
There is something about the awareness I have of the rhythm and the constant struggle I find myself in to maintain the rhythm....when really.....EVERYTHING around me is trying to knock me out of rhythm...that is sticking with me.
I believe SO strongly in Christ....as much as I possibly can & know how to....and I believe there is SO much divine power, in taking what the world sees or perceives & turning it on its end....like the cross. The cross was meant for death & destruction & suffering & punishment & JESUS turned it into LIFE, REDEMPTION, HEALING, & ABUNDANT LOVE & BLESSINGS. Our God colors outside the lines...OR He sees lines that we cannot.
I just finished a meditation course on acceptance. 10 minutes of meditation for 10 days. The words "LET GO" keep coming to mind. The main lesson was: identify what you are resisting & do simply that...IDENTIFY IT & watch how identifying the resistance automatically causes you to accept it.
Listen....with a combination of ALL kinds of things that have been happening & spending SO. MUCH. TIME. trying to create a rhythm....and I mean trying; to the point of wearing myself out.... I think I'm going to BUCK UP & LET GO.
In rhythm or out of rhythm....something is gonna happen. For once it is "okay" to not be what others expect you to be OR what you expect yourself to be. It's okay if you are, but its also okay if you're not....because we are ALL trying to figure it out. You wouldn't think that accepting is as hard as it is. In fact, it doesn't really make ANY sense to TRY & create a system....we should just allow it; let it flow from us and trust that we are equipped to handle what comes next & not try to plan for a future calamity, but more for the here and now. ENJOY IT. What can we each do here & now?
