A Chapter Comes to an End

You talk about a rough few months. I AM PAYING ATTENTION. I took the liberty of reading my blogs from this first chapter, where the "Buck Up" journey began. As I documented my thoughts and feelings...from the most humblest of beginnings...I would contemplate whether some of those words mattered....whether those stories needed to be told.....whether certain credit was even interesting to the reader. 

I KNOW, without the shadow of a doubt, that IT ALL MATTERS. As I find myself holding a heavy, HEAVY page and have CONTEMPLATED for MONTHS (at least) on whether or not it was time to turn it, I AM SO GRATEFUL to be able to look back at the last chapter. Having the opportunity to use my own words to........give me the COURAGE and STRENGTH & CONFIRMATION to turn this heavy page is a beautiful gift I gave to myself....and others, quite possibly. 

As I read my blogs from the beginning of this journey it was really such a mix of awkwardness, nervousness, uncertainty and gradually mounted to EXCITEMENT & courageous steps, INTENSE moments of soul-searching and digging and digging and digging to get to my WHY. Part of me was SO glad when I left the "corny" stage of my blog writing & now, as I grin recalling it, I think....maybe I should inject a little more of that "corny."

My WHY was SO clear. It was SO incredibly clear from the beginning.....to help people. Whatever people came into my life I wanted to help them and I did. I went from wanting to help the organizations and bidders that gave me a chance to the friends that were comforting in scary times to other auction companies, to the clients that hired me to assist with settling their loved one's estate to raising money to help make a sick friend's life easier. Then I transitioned to wanting to help other auctioneers, working mothers, women in business, people on the edge of making a life-changing transition. 

What a journey.  WHAT. A. JOURNEY! As I begin quoting the courageous words that have given me all that I need to turn the page I want anyone reading this to KNOW.....IT ALL MATTERS. It matters SO much...even the corniest of the corny! Buck Up Baby & be BRAVE enough to put yourself out there KNOWING that you will grow. You will grow into who you are called to be.....and you'll keep groWING. 

Why is this page SO heavy? Well....it's FILLED with these invisible questions that have no answers. Energy used to not really be a concern of mine. Ten years ago, I had plenty of it and the excitement of something new just fueled it. Now, in my mind, each invisible question has a weight I attach to it. EVERY decision we make takes a certain amount of time, money, and energy and you can't get it back....not easily at least. Now my fuel supply of experience was slowing me down. As I went back to my very first blog called "Just Gettin' Started," I say: "If you don't know what to do...just do something. That's probably the sales skills in me." 

This is the first known picture I have of me selling. This is at Carmine VFD, taken by the late Melissa Wickel. 

I don't know (in FULL view) what is next. I have these little bread crumbs. That is all I have, and...the combination of bread crumbs don't always make sense, but then again....neither did a young mother, with a college degree in advertising....& a good paying job....feeling called to figure out all she could about the business of selling things by talking fast. It really is SO much more than that, but I'm not sure I knew that in the beginning.  Here is to me doing SOMETHING. I am turning the page, finishing the chapter, and starting another.....with a COMPLETE blank page in front of me. 

From "Startin' to Tackle That Mountain," I said: "My overall MAJOR plan is to pursue my auction career. I have a plan, but having worked with MANY businesses of all shapes and sizes over the last 7 years I KNOW that certain elements of that plan will have to change, happen sooner, happen later, happen differently, not happen at all...So for now, until I get more of the details panned out, I'm pursuing my auction career." 

I smile as I re-read that. I had NO IDEA what was in store for me. I had dreams, within the industry, that I chose not to pursue.....because I was made aware of something bigger and better than what I was able to dream. I smile because I made a business and a life and MANY friends doing things in this industry that I had NO KNOWN DESIRE to embark on. When I wrote that I had NO IDEA that I would go on to have numerous appearances on a hit TV Show, like Texas Flip N' Move or achieve the title of 2021 Texas State Reserve Champion Auctioneer. I'm still working on the Champion title. 

Photo Cred: Myers Jackson on my first or second shoot with Texas Flip N' Move.

Wrapping up shoots for a season.

Toni, Donna, & Randy joined the Buck Up Crew for Lights, Camera, Texas benefiting the Family Crisis Center and Children's Advocacy Center.

One of my last shoots. We brought little Hunter along. The last season I shot with them I was either pregnant with Hunter or just had him. The fam made a trip out of it with me and we spent a few days in DFW. 

Last 4 Photos: Photo Cred - Myers Jackson

Today, my overall plan is to turn the page. I have ideas and I have the ability to pivot at any given moment. God & life has taught me that. 

There reaches a point when you reach the goals you set out for. You made and continue to make the most of EVERY situation. You EXPLORE and you find. Then...you find yourself wanting more of something and not really knowing what. For me, I want to live out God's purpose for me. I don't want to miss a thing. I don't want to NOT experience what God has planned for me. In God's most perfect way, The Holy Spirit led me to a class that was less about skill development and totally about self-development and discovery. It was the Interpersonal Communications Class offered by the National Auctioneers Association. I wrote a blog about my experience called "Accept the Compliment." 

My Interpersonal Communications Class

The Compliment Giver - Suz

The life-changing truth uncovered about myself in that class was: "I had such little respect for myself that I squandered every EXTRA ounce of energy I had on being better and perfect for other people, with ABSOLUTELY no regard for myself." Yeah...it's HEAVY.....kind of like this page I'm getting ready to turn. It amazes me how we function...how we cope as humans....and the things we do in response to trauma. I REALLY do want to experience all God has planned for me and there was no way that was ever going to happen if I didn't own the fact that I was not respecting myself and then dive into what that meant. As I look back, this was a pivotal lesson, that took quite some time for me to grasp. It also took me down and kept me on a path, I hadn't planned on going down. 

Now.....having walked through similar situations meaning....hitting "brick walls" within the workplace...when it was The Good Lord's way of shutting doors to help me make the decisions He needed me to, to get me going the direction He needed me to. Another example would be....things just not working and forcing me to make decisions I would not normally make. I AM PAYING ATTENTION.  I have walked that walk and do not want to resist that truth any longer than necessary. I have identified these transitional moments and messages as I have made my way to where I am now. 

Over the last several months I have found myself unwilling to be disrespectful to myself. Isn't that a novel idea. I find myself being more thoughtful, asking myself more questions before making a decision, saying NO more easily, knowing what I DON'T like and what I will not allow to mess with my peace. My peace has become EXTREMELY important to me and if someone or something is not contributing to my peace, it has made my decision-making process much easier. MUCH. In fact, I have made decisions that create short-term stress at the aim of life-changing peace. 

My blog post: "A Locomotive Rolling Down the Tracks," is raw. It is real. It is confusion and frustrations and thoughts that went from my brain, to my fingertips, to your screen. You may want to check it out for reference. In that post I said: "For 10 years I built and developed something that I thought I wanted to, that served a purpose and helped many people - including myself, in many different ways and in many different seasons." I DID build and develop something I wanted to. Just because that is what I wanted then....when my focus was SOLELY to be better FOR OTHERS and their needs. That does NOT make it wrong. The way we did things, the choices I made, the services we offered were COMPLETELY in line with what was important to me. Now....other things are important to me also. HONORING and BEING KIND to myself is something brand new that BARELY existed in the last chapter. Now that, that vision is clear - I can turn the page and invite you along. 

Father, I am thankful for these words....Your words that you have brought me this week, to ENCOURAGE me to believe: "For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope." Romans 15:4 NIV

You can check out my other blog: Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus!

Buck Up Baby....& turn the page!