Ya'll?!

I know I can't be the only person in the world that has moments of feeling absolutely bonkers...... maybe one of the few that will admit it and write about it. It really has me pondering mental health....not mental illness.....mental health. It also has me meditating on what Jesus may have gone through when He was tempted by the devil for 40 days and nights. 

What I seem to go to/stick with.....are the 3 ways satan tested Jesus and His responses. I hadn't thought much on the in between until this week. You know.....the in between had to suck! I think Jesus had to have had, at least, one day where He was lost. He didn't know the "right" move. He felt like His sole purpose that day was to be the whipping boy. 

FORTY DAYS of highs and lows, hunger and thirst, sleep and torment, testing and faith. It really helped me to meditate on this yesterday. If it helps one of you out there to know that there is another person out there that really has it together sometimes and is REALLY lost in the wilderness sometimes.....then so be it. 

Growing up and having a business in a small town feels like you are putting your crazy on display sometimes. It's not "crazy." It is the wilderness. There is no conformity in the wilderness. I like to color outside the lines, but sometimes the wilderness gets to be too much for me too. So much so.....that I'd welcome a little conformity. 

I tell you.....if ya'll could see all the thoughts and ideas that roll through my head, you would NEVER be short of entertainment and probably have a hard time following the storyline.

The truth is.....I feel like I've been out here in the wilderness for longer than 40 days and nights. I kind of feel like I might check in for a time, then check back out......and seem to check right back in without even realizing it. 

I've gotten to a point where I know God is moving, but I don't really know how and some of it....I just need to get out of me. To share it......I'm not even sure if I need to for myself or others....maybe both. 

I started typing out all the things that troubled me yesterday and I had to delete it, because the pressure building in my chest was not the intent of the message.

The intent is.....try to be patient enough to allow the Jesus things to rise to the top. It can take awhile.....maybe even the whole day, but do what you can, as they rise.....then do them. 

If I could explain one thing to others - that I believe would make a difference in the way we treat each other; it would be to engage. Talk to people. Let them know you see them. We all handle our mental stuff differently and the ways can be so different. Sometimes we hibernate/hide from people. Sometimes we scream. Sometimes we lash out, project, get angry and show it. Sometimes we cry. We cry dilirious cries, mad cries, confused cries, overwhelmed cries, not-sure-why-I'm-crying cries. We can be testy OR overly happy......just to crash later. Some of us coast on adrenaline highs, until we crash. Some of us hold on too tight for too long, until everything explodes out and it takes longer for the mess to dry up. 

We are all this walking bundle of energy hoping we are making the right choices when we make them, are too exhausted to make them and choose to ride the wave of others decisions, or are constantly weighing decisions already made. 

Training Ground

 This blog will be about getting where I'm going. The lessons have to take place somewhere and people must witness our imperfections. Lately, I've been reflecting on what has gotten me here. 

I think about one of my other titles....Mom.  Kyle and I just had a conversation with our 3 kids. They like to ask questions about each other like...."What was Kylee like as a baby?" "Was Hunter as chunky as Heath was?" Somehow we got on the subject of Kylee being the oldest and she asked why we did something and Kyle said...LOL "You were the first one. We didn't know what we were doing." 

As we enter different stages of our lives we NEED a training ground. As I make an attempt at relating the two and try to truly capture how GRATEFUL I am for my training grounds, hang with me. I hope this allows you all to have some nostalgic moments FULL of gratefulness for YOUR journey. 

I remember when I was teetering on the idea of building my own business, having the flexibility to buILD the life I envisioned for myself and my family, knocking some barriers down - that were in my way and weighing every. single. thing. I mean....EVERYTHING. 

One of the things that hung me up for awhile was that, up until that point, I had prided myself on my quality of work and I KNEW I would not have the background support....you know, like an accounting department, production department, HR department, like I was used to. I also had never done, what I was getting ready to do so.....I was going in with as much education as I could gather, before beginning the journey blind...and taking others with me. What I mean by that is minimal experience. I had my life experiences on the periphreal of the actual nuts and bolts of the business, but no REAL boots on the ground experience. I had experience within departments of PART of the business. Because I am a person that puts the work in, I had to make damn sure - this JOURNEY I was getting ready to take everyone on was a long-term plan and that I was up for a long adventure. I feel like that again, but that's all that seems familiar. I feel like the next leg of the journey could go several different ways. I also know that it could go different directions than what I'm even aware of, because well....our God is BIG. 

All the feels of this space are so familiar. Imagine.....uncertainty...excitement....motivation...fear of acting....holding onto what I know - instead of just acting.... I know God is always right on time and I can't mess it up, but I always find myself thinking I am missing some sort of CLEAR message and I am getting in my own way. 

I digress....

As parents, we are to "raise our children in the way they should go, so they do not stray from it." Each one of our children have very unique traits and characteristics and God took into account Kyle and I being first time parents, when he blessed us with Kylee. He knew we had what it took to have a second child, change careers, and move home & form an LLC....all at the same time. He also knew that another human needed all of what all four of us could give him. As I reflect on the environments we were in with each three....I'm in awe of Him. 

God KNOWS how I think....and think....and overthink. He provided an opportunity for me to EXPLORE. When I talked to Kyle about it, he was open to it.......and ALL the things had to happen in our lives for him to be open to it. What a wonderful training ground He took us to in Rockport. Three and a half hours from home. He removed distractions and allowed us to focus on us and become who He was calling us to. 

As I sit here typing, and being more aware of the things The Good Lord is calling me to do. I see the last 12 or so years of my life as yet, another training ground. One where people had to witness my growth, the growth of my family, the growth of my faith, the successes, the perceived failures, the way in which I move in between them. Just like I was thankful for my Rockport training ground. I am thankful for this one. This one had a few more dips and curves and peaks and valleys. Now, He is calling US to more. We don't know PRECISELY what it is, but He is and we will find out along the way. 

We all have our training ground, and I have come to believe that God may have multiple purposes for us. OBEDIENCE....EXPLORATION....TRUST....FAITH....COURAGE....PERSEVERANCE... When you BUCK UP BABY & RIDE WITH JESUS it takes all of those things. You best, put them in your saddle bags. 

One of the missions God has for me is simply, sharing my story and sharing my faith, with the hope and intention that it will ENCOURAGE someone else to get to know Jesus. This blog itself, is yet another training ground, where I get to use all the tools in bold above. When you make the choice and saddle up...you will experience it ALL. Your life will be FULL....abundant even. There will be cold, exhausting nights, where you are too broke (in a variety of ways) to do anything but rest....in the cold. Then....He will pick you up out of it and you will be stronger and smarter and better prepared for the next part of the journey.....and it will be an ADVENTURE you would never, ever trade. 

Yes....people will come and go, in and out of your life....and it will HURT. It will bring you grief and sadness and turmoil, but only for a short while. You see, God loves them too. He is teaching them something, just as He's teaching you something. He WILL reward your obedience....small acts, large acts, and continual acts. 

I encourage anyone reading to just sit with Him, even for a few brief moments. Let HIM speak to you, however He chooses and be receptive to hearing Him. Then....in His perfect timing, Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus!

Just Because You Could - Doesn't Mean You Should

 Today, I was brought back to some of the thoughts that ran through my head before I decided to really pursue building my own business, instead of working for someone else. Without Jesus, I would not be here. Those prayers, back then, were a kind all their own....fervent, desperate, FULL of fret and worry, talking out loud ALL....EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. OF. MY. CONCERNS..... Jesus knew them. Even though He called me, I was not able to recognize it right away. I questioned EVERY thought. I thought of EVERY scenario....EVERY possibility.....REALLY sat with the less than favorable possibilities, let it saturate me and then decide if I was willing to make the sacrifice and FOLLOW Jesus's call. A TD Jakes sermon & The Holy Spirit snapped me into action back then and......here I am....more than a decade later.....and TD Jakes has once again motivated me with one of his sermons and I felt that familiar feeling. The feeling of ALLOWING God to show me. To put all my plans, thoughts, ideas, limited knowledge to the side and....well....BUCK UP BABY & RIDE WITH JESUS!

This brings me to my most beautiful lesson this week. In business.....just because you COULD, does NOT mean you should. Sometimes.....we are SO hard-headed that God literally has to LET US recognize for ourselves our weaknesses. He let's us FEEL the discomfort, angst.....He lets us struggle in our limited knowledge. 

I am a person that likes to be in motion. Sitting still, focusing on numbers, piecing things together, and trying to figure out how to make a program work.....that's not my thing. Yes. Once upon a time that was my thing....because I was curious....engaged....interested....learning. That being said, I identified years ago, that - that was one of my least favorite parts of the business and taught, encouraged, hired, and/or trained others to do that very thing. NOW.....as I sit in the middle of my reset, fumbling my way through what's next...wanting to BE REAL SURE I need a person to do X, Y, Z....I have never been more sure of anything in my life.

My brain was SOOOOOOOOOO tired that once I struggled my way through programs and documents and process manuals, and FAQ web pages, then double, triple, & quadruple checking my numbers (which BTW....as I sit at my daughter's music recital, realize I forgot a very important deduction that was accounted for, but not notated) I realized that....when I work myself to a place where basic addition and subtraction is a struggle......it's time to let it go. AND...if that wasn't enough to convince me....after ALL the corrections and THINKING I was printing page 9 of a 9 page document.....I take a call and, by the end of it, have NINE FULL COPIES OF A NINE PAGE DOCUMENT....that is not where I'm supposed to be.... THUS, just because you could, doesn't mean you should. 

God gives us such AMAZING gifts. TRULY, when I started this whole journey FRUSTRATED with my J.O.B. at the time....I HAD NO IDEA that I would one day become a Texas Reserve State Champion Auctioneer, learn how to sell EVERY type of asset under the sun, and HELP RAISE MILLIONS for non profits! In fact, when I started this journey....being an auctioneer was a thought written in a journal out of frustrated prayer. I reached a point where I did all I knew how to do in my own knowledge and ability and I did not know what to do. I AM SO THANKFUL FOR MY OBEDIENCE. 

God knows that sometimes we have to wear ourselves down to the place where we will be obedient; where we have exhausted all we know & we SURRENDER. 

And as I type that, I think to myself....knowing all this....why is it still SO HARD? I'd like to think that God is teaching us how to trust Him the way we will, one day, need to trust Him. Every time we get ourselves to these places we trust God a little more. AND....it is not that we don't want to trust Him...it's that we don't know how and He is teaching us. It gets easier to say yes. It gets easier to step into the unknown and LET HIM paint the road as you walk. We can't rush it. We can't make plans. We can simply EXPERIENCE His goodness and His grace and His mercy towards us & LET HIM SHOW US!

BUCK UP BABY & RIDE WITH JESUS! GO where He takes you. No questions and no expectations. 

A Chapter Comes to an End

You talk about a rough few months. I AM PAYING ATTENTION. I took the liberty of reading my blogs from this first chapter, where the "Buck Up" journey began. As I documented my thoughts and feelings...from the most humblest of beginnings...I would contemplate whether some of those words mattered....whether those stories needed to be told.....whether certain credit was even interesting to the reader. 

I KNOW, without the shadow of a doubt, that IT ALL MATTERS. As I find myself holding a heavy, HEAVY page and have CONTEMPLATED for MONTHS (at least) on whether or not it was time to turn it, I AM SO GRATEFUL to be able to look back at the last chapter. Having the opportunity to use my own words to........give me the COURAGE and STRENGTH & CONFIRMATION to turn this heavy page is a beautiful gift I gave to myself....and others, quite possibly. 

As I read my blogs from the beginning of this journey it was really such a mix of awkwardness, nervousness, uncertainty and gradually mounted to EXCITEMENT & courageous steps, INTENSE moments of soul-searching and digging and digging and digging to get to my WHY. Part of me was SO glad when I left the "corny" stage of my blog writing & now, as I grin recalling it, I think....maybe I should inject a little more of that "corny."

My WHY was SO clear. It was SO incredibly clear from the beginning.....to help people. Whatever people came into my life I wanted to help them and I did. I went from wanting to help the organizations and bidders that gave me a chance to the friends that were comforting in scary times to other auction companies, to the clients that hired me to assist with settling their loved one's estate to raising money to help make a sick friend's life easier. Then I transitioned to wanting to help other auctioneers, working mothers, women in business, people on the edge of making a life-changing transition. 

What a journey.  WHAT. A. JOURNEY! As I begin quoting the courageous words that have given me all that I need to turn the page I want anyone reading this to KNOW.....IT ALL MATTERS. It matters SO much...even the corniest of the corny! Buck Up Baby & be BRAVE enough to put yourself out there KNOWING that you will grow. You will grow into who you are called to be.....and you'll keep groWING. 

Why is this page SO heavy? Well....it's FILLED with these invisible questions that have no answers. Energy used to not really be a concern of mine. Ten years ago, I had plenty of it and the excitement of something new just fueled it. Now, in my mind, each invisible question has a weight I attach to it. EVERY decision we make takes a certain amount of time, money, and energy and you can't get it back....not easily at least. Now my fuel supply of experience was slowing me down. As I went back to my very first blog called "Just Gettin' Started," I say: "If you don't know what to do...just do something. That's probably the sales skills in me." 

This is the first known picture I have of me selling. This is at Carmine VFD, taken by the late Melissa Wickel. 

I don't know (in FULL view) what is next. I have these little bread crumbs. That is all I have, and...the combination of bread crumbs don't always make sense, but then again....neither did a young mother, with a college degree in advertising....& a good paying job....feeling called to figure out all she could about the business of selling things by talking fast. It really is SO much more than that, but I'm not sure I knew that in the beginning.  Here is to me doing SOMETHING. I am turning the page, finishing the chapter, and starting another.....with a COMPLETE blank page in front of me. 

From "Startin' to Tackle That Mountain," I said: "My overall MAJOR plan is to pursue my auction career. I have a plan, but having worked with MANY businesses of all shapes and sizes over the last 7 years I KNOW that certain elements of that plan will have to change, happen sooner, happen later, happen differently, not happen at all...So for now, until I get more of the details panned out, I'm pursuing my auction career." 

I smile as I re-read that. I had NO IDEA what was in store for me. I had dreams, within the industry, that I chose not to pursue.....because I was made aware of something bigger and better than what I was able to dream. I smile because I made a business and a life and MANY friends doing things in this industry that I had NO KNOWN DESIRE to embark on. When I wrote that I had NO IDEA that I would go on to have numerous appearances on a hit TV Show, like Texas Flip N' Move or achieve the title of 2021 Texas State Reserve Champion Auctioneer. I'm still working on the Champion title. 

Photo Cred: Myers Jackson on my first or second shoot with Texas Flip N' Move.

Wrapping up shoots for a season.

Toni, Donna, & Randy joined the Buck Up Crew for Lights, Camera, Texas benefiting the Family Crisis Center and Children's Advocacy Center.

One of my last shoots. We brought little Hunter along. The last season I shot with them I was either pregnant with Hunter or just had him. The fam made a trip out of it with me and we spent a few days in DFW. 

Last 4 Photos: Photo Cred - Myers Jackson

Today, my overall plan is to turn the page. I have ideas and I have the ability to pivot at any given moment. God & life has taught me that. 

There reaches a point when you reach the goals you set out for. You made and continue to make the most of EVERY situation. You EXPLORE and you find. Then...you find yourself wanting more of something and not really knowing what. For me, I want to live out God's purpose for me. I don't want to miss a thing. I don't want to NOT experience what God has planned for me. In God's most perfect way, The Holy Spirit led me to a class that was less about skill development and totally about self-development and discovery. It was the Interpersonal Communications Class offered by the National Auctioneers Association. I wrote a blog about my experience called "Accept the Compliment." 

My Interpersonal Communications Class

The Compliment Giver - Suz

The life-changing truth uncovered about myself in that class was: "I had such little respect for myself that I squandered every EXTRA ounce of energy I had on being better and perfect for other people, with ABSOLUTELY no regard for myself." Yeah...it's HEAVY.....kind of like this page I'm getting ready to turn. It amazes me how we function...how we cope as humans....and the things we do in response to trauma. I REALLY do want to experience all God has planned for me and there was no way that was ever going to happen if I didn't own the fact that I was not respecting myself and then dive into what that meant. As I look back, this was a pivotal lesson, that took quite some time for me to grasp. It also took me down and kept me on a path, I hadn't planned on going down. 

Now.....having walked through similar situations meaning....hitting "brick walls" within the workplace...when it was The Good Lord's way of shutting doors to help me make the decisions He needed me to, to get me going the direction He needed me to. Another example would be....things just not working and forcing me to make decisions I would not normally make. I AM PAYING ATTENTION.  I have walked that walk and do not want to resist that truth any longer than necessary. I have identified these transitional moments and messages as I have made my way to where I am now. 

Over the last several months I have found myself unwilling to be disrespectful to myself. Isn't that a novel idea. I find myself being more thoughtful, asking myself more questions before making a decision, saying NO more easily, knowing what I DON'T like and what I will not allow to mess with my peace. My peace has become EXTREMELY important to me and if someone or something is not contributing to my peace, it has made my decision-making process much easier. MUCH. In fact, I have made decisions that create short-term stress at the aim of life-changing peace. 

My blog post: "A Locomotive Rolling Down the Tracks," is raw. It is real. It is confusion and frustrations and thoughts that went from my brain, to my fingertips, to your screen. You may want to check it out for reference. In that post I said: "For 10 years I built and developed something that I thought I wanted to, that served a purpose and helped many people - including myself, in many different ways and in many different seasons." I DID build and develop something I wanted to. Just because that is what I wanted then....when my focus was SOLELY to be better FOR OTHERS and their needs. That does NOT make it wrong. The way we did things, the choices I made, the services we offered were COMPLETELY in line with what was important to me. Now....other things are important to me also. HONORING and BEING KIND to myself is something brand new that BARELY existed in the last chapter. Now that, that vision is clear - I can turn the page and invite you along. 

Father, I am thankful for these words....Your words that you have brought me this week, to ENCOURAGE me to believe: "For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope." Romans 15:4 NIV

You can check out my other blog: Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus!

Buck Up Baby....& turn the page!

Power in Words & Deeds

 There is power in your words and even more power in your actions. In almost every situation, every decision that has to be made you have the power...yes YOU have the power to either encourage, enhance, motivate and show kindness OR partner with the enemy and seek to steal, kill, & destroy (John 10:10). It really is that simple. If that decision is grounded in the love of the Father, it will be LIFE-GIVING. 

Review your day.... Think about decisions you made: conversations you had, speaking without considering how the other person may receive it, posting something, not communicating an important update.... What were they grounded in?: love, hope, faith, or fear, anger, self-seeking desire, money... Think about it folks. 

There are a lot of people that have done and said and posted things lately and I'm not so sure they understand the POWER of their words and/or actions. Stop telling people what they should do, how they should do it, using people, manipulating people and situations and think that you have the authority to do it! GOD gives each and every one of us free-will and we should do the same for each other. 

You are either dividing or bringing together. You are either encouraging out of love, out of fear, or out of selfish motives. Love the people you want to love on and leave everyone else alone. 

When you operate in a place of fear, anger, money, jealousy, self-seeking desires.....you are partnering with the enemy. You are allowing the enemy to use you. 

Have you guys seen what's going on in the world???? Nobody's got time for that. There is plenty of hate and fear in the world right now. Buck Up & GET. IT. TOGETHER. 

For real....we all have many, many choices every single day. Choose who you want to work with (Jesus or Satan). Your decisions show your heart. The wonderful, wonderful, BEAUTIFUL gift God has given us in Jesus, not only gives us power, but also gives us the blessed gift of FORGIVENESS! Did you make a decision rooted in sin? Guess what......turn your heart to Jesus, repent, & it is TOTALLY FORGIVEN! WIPED CLEAN!!! If you get bucked off....BUCK UP BABY & RIDE WITH JESUS! He will get you back in the saddle over and over and over again.....as many times as you need to build  YOUR trust in Him. 

Good People.

If you read my other blog: Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus, you will know that I am at a "tryin' to figure things out" stage with my AUCTION career. BELIEVE ME...I ain't quittin. I'm just tryin' to figure out how to make this work into my life & how to make this AUCTION COMPANY what I want it to be...not what everyone else thinks it should be. I'm tryin' to really figure out what is REALLY important to ME & how to have that SHINE THROUGH in my company. It is SO much easier from the outside looking in, to see a better way of doin' things. One of the most VALUABLE LESSONS I've already learned is to spend time with it. Don't rush things.....AT ALL. Most importantly.....GO WITH YOUR GUT!

I have to say that I am SO BLESSED to have GOOD PEOPLE in my life! I have a CREW that just keeps hangin' on in there with me, supportin' me, helpin' me, & just flat out BEING GOOD PEOPLE! They won't ever know just how much I APPRECIATE THEM!

I know I've blogged about this before to, but in this industry, there are AUCTIONEERS that will HELP you & there are AUCTIONEERS that won't....for all kinds of reasons: busy...they feel threatened, they may be a bit territorial, they've been burned & its hard to trust people... No matter the reason - GOD BLESS the HELPERS.

I want to give a BIG shout out to ELCO AUCTIONS in Odem, Texas. Danny is another person that has no idea how much I appreciate him. If you are anywhere in the Corpus Christi area you need to be sure to go check out his auction. When you are new to a business & your learnin'...it is SO GOOD to have someone that you TRUST to call & ask questions....& not feel like a dummy about it.

Another group of folks I want to give a shout out to is LIQUIDATORS AUCTION in Nachadoches, Texas. JUST GOOD PEOPLE....is all I have to say. Give those folks a call if you need to settle an estate!

That's all for today. On another note...THESE PEOPLE ARE AWESOME, but I would never know how awesome they were if I wouldn't have had the COURAGE to BUCK UP BABY! I called EVERY auction company in the coastal bend area when I got my license & Danny was the ONLY one that called me back, took the time to talk to me, and give me a chance to work for him. With my crew....I knew I needed good people I could trust, but I also knew that I had NO IDEA how much I could pay them or IF I could pay them. It's not real easy to tell folks that, but I wanted to be extremely REAL with them. There is nothing like working as a team, when you have one heck of a team to work with. With ole' Samantha from Liquidator's Auction... I remember being SO shocked to see ANOTHER young, female auctioneer in class. I honestly thought I'd be in a room with a bunch of ruff & gruff old fellas. To my suprise there were a few other ladies, some young guys, SOME ruff & gruff older fellas & little ole' Sammie. You know how it could've went. We could either choose to like each other & get to know each other OR NOT. I am ever so thankful for that girl & ever so thankful that we both had enough sense to BUCK UP & learn from each other & learn together.

BREATHE......

So....I have to say. We worked our little tails off for our March 30th auction. Talk about feelin' spent!! I have just now been able to relax & feel a little rested. Now it's time to tie up a few loose ends & gear up for the next one.  I sure learned a lot. A WHOLE LOT.....

I'll be honest. It wasn't as big as I was hopin', but it was all right. I don't know why I think everything will be the way I picture it.

We got LOTS of compliments about our crew, the consignment items we had, the way we conducted the auction, the check-in/check-out process. REALLY....everything was good, BUT we could have used more bidders.

I mean if it would have been pourin' down rain it could have fixed that. If we'd had more than 5 weeks time to organize, advertise, & gather consignments it would have helped. If I had had the LLC set up earlier than what it was - it would have helped.

The fact of the matter is. We didn't. That is NO ONE's fault. We did everything we could as fast as we could - while we were still workin' our full time jobs & livin' our full time lives.

We oughta be pretty stinkin' PROUD of ourselves. I mean....we had people talkin', saw faces we had NEVER seen, got MORE COMPLIMENTS than complaints. We know what to FOCUS on next time. We KNOW what can help us IMPROVE.....and NOBODY DIED!

My CREW has not abandoned me. In fact...they're ready for the next one. My Nachadoches people from Liquidators Auction said they're comin' back!

Eventually I'll learn how to not be SO hard on myself!!

I have to thank ALL the LOCALS that came and helped out in whatever fashion they could. I have to thank my crew again, all they people supporting this little adventure of mine, THANKS to the folks at Liquidators Auction in Nachadoches & the folks at ELCO Auction over in Odem, Texas. I REALLY am VERY THANKFUL.

Stay tuned for the next one. I'm not positive on the date. We're gearin' up to have a POW WOW & figure it all out. I KNOW the next one will be in Rockport.

We have a new website.Check it out here: www.buckupauctionservices.com.  I'm still doin' some tweakin', but it's up for everyone to look at. If anybody is willin' to leave a testimonial let me know & I'll get it up ;). We will be posting new auction, amongst other things, so check it out.

Also...I started a new blog. It's called: Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus. The first post is up, so check it out. Until next time.......