The Folds of Mourning

  I haven't taken to blog writing in a while, but we are working on the liquidation of an estate, and...it just feels....right.....and....even good to type my thoughts on the experiences I am witnessing. This is a story of a tight-knit family, that has recently lost their glue. 

A father, lost his son - that he spent just about everyday with. He influenced this son so, that he took up the same profession as a mechanic. He is missing him. He's missing his life, how it was before. He's being forced to face attachment and necessity of some of his possessions, much sooner than he wants to and...he is grasping, and struggling, and mourning. 

His brother is overwhelmed. More than capable, but....it's different. His sounding board is gone. His presence is missed and other loved ones need him...want him, how he has always been, but he is not the same. He can't even figure out how to be the same. He can't go back there and....he is feeling his way through life - without him. 

Children and nieces and nephews and loved ones, all have something that is missing. More than just the person....something that person added to their lives....something they had access to, but don't now. It leaves everyone a little funky. It's not intentional. It is not personal, except for the fact that they are personally doing their best....and everyone's "best" looks SO different than what they are used to from each other. 

Then there is his wife. She is meek and calm and quiet. Her best friend is gone and all he carried for her, she now carries. She not only carries it now, but she studies it, researches it, grabs at all the pieces to try and see what is what, knowing the responsibilities now, that others may not, and feels like she is losing her family, as she has known it, at the same time.....and, to some extent, she is. Every single one of them are a new and different person. Not better. Not worse, but different; so is she. She is in a space where she cares, and cares a lot...but there are only so many options she has. While some are still not ready to let go of some things, she must. She must out of necessity. She doesn't want to hurt others, but cannot allow herself to endure additional hardship, for the sake of feelings. 

 

I make no jokes about this. I KNOW this space....each one of their spaces. They are all in the middle of a "Buck Up" moment. 

I have used this analogy before, and it is truly the inspiration of this trajectory the Good Lord placed me on. When we were kids, 20+ years ago, my sister and I would periodically ride horses for people. Typically, they had been turned out. They were broke to ride, but hadn't been messed with for months and even years. 

One time we were tasked with the job of riding this Arabian cross mare. Would she buck? Yes. Hard? Not really. We could usually ride her through it. It was like it aggravated her, so she found a new trick. Anytime we would put our foot in the stirrup to get on, she would take off running. I can still remember the first time she did it. Daddy was so concerned about us making sure we got our foot out the stirrup fast enough, so she wouldn't drag us. 

If we were going to ride her and break her of her bad habit, we had to do something different. Lunging her and wearing her down, didn't really do it. 

The correct way to mount a horse is to put your left foot in the stirrup (horse facing forward, you looking back (so on your right) you would put your left leg in the stirrup and swing your right leg over to the other side. 

Sometimes "bucking up" is figuring out how to: win, survive, overcome, move forward, make progress. We got paid for progress, not problems so.....I climbed up on the other side of her. She wasn't expecting it. It ticked her off and she crow-hopped a little, but we made progress.

It was different. It was uncomfortable for both of us, but it was a way forward. I'd like to say we "broke" her of it right away, but we didn't. It took more time, more energy, more effort, more trial and error. 

This family lost a: son, brother, uncle, confidant, father, best friend, and husband. The community lost a friend and businessman....a helper...a fixer...a leader. 

It's not even close to an ornery horse, but they are moving through it the same way. Feeling their way through it.....figuring out what works. It's not just a horse and rider. It is an entire family, hitting licks and doing their best and it is not always pretty, and it's not always the outcome everyone wants, but everyone is doing their best. 

It's an honor to help them through the process. It is an honor to be there for this leg of the race. It's an honor to support them. We truly look at our estate work as a ministry. I've shared stories with people in the past. Each project is different, but I believe the Good Lord works through us. 

I don't know what He does exactly, or how He does it, but He does it through us. A healing happens. There are layers upon layers of healing that we will experience in our life. This is a time where humans need other humans. We get that. They will get to the other side of this mourning. They will always mourn, but they are FOREVER changed, and we will be there to help them navigate some of it. 

I lost my Dad a couple years ago. I know I am a forever-changed human. I know that the closer you are to a person, the more changed you are, when you lose them. I also know that God knows everything and loves us all. We were all strong enough to handle the loss, when the loss happened. It is the same here. We don't know the how, what, where, when, why of it all.....and probably don't want to. 

As this family mourns, and makes progress through mourning - into the next chapter - I pray JESUS walks every step of the way with them....uniquely to each one - in a way, where they know they are not alone. Buck Up Baby & love on people, as they make their way. Cheer them on and do what you can, with what you have. 

We will be conducting several auctions for the Avila family. Tools, equipment, machinery and land will be available in the upcoming weeks. In Jesus's name, we ask that He guides the entire process. Amen.

A link to the auction site will be posted at: bid.buckupauctions.com.