Ya'll?!

I know I can't be the only person in the world that has moments of feeling absolutely bonkers...... maybe one of the few that will admit it and write about it. It really has me pondering mental health....not mental illness.....mental health. It also has me meditating on what Jesus may have gone through when He was tempted by the devil for 40 days and nights. 

What I seem to go to/stick with.....are the 3 ways satan tested Jesus and His responses. I hadn't thought much on the in between until this week. You know.....the in between had to suck! I think Jesus had to have had, at least, one day where He was lost. He didn't know the "right" move. He felt like His sole purpose that day was to be the whipping boy. 

FORTY DAYS of highs and lows, hunger and thirst, sleep and torment, testing and faith. It really helped me to meditate on this yesterday. If it helps one of you out there to know that there is another person out there that really has it together sometimes and is REALLY lost in the wilderness sometimes.....then so be it. 

Growing up and having a business in a small town feels like you are putting your crazy on display sometimes. It's not "crazy." It is the wilderness. There is no conformity in the wilderness. I like to color outside the lines, but sometimes the wilderness gets to be too much for me too. So much so.....that I'd welcome a little conformity. 

I tell you.....if ya'll could see all the thoughts and ideas that roll through my head, you would NEVER be short of entertainment and probably have a hard time following the storyline.

The truth is.....I feel like I've been out here in the wilderness for longer than 40 days and nights. I kind of feel like I might check in for a time, then check back out......and seem to check right back in without even realizing it. 

I've gotten to a point where I know God is moving, but I don't really know how and some of it....I just need to get out of me. To share it......I'm not even sure if I need to for myself or others....maybe both. 

I started typing out all the things that troubled me yesterday and I had to delete it, because the pressure building in my chest was not the intent of the message.

The intent is.....try to be patient enough to allow the Jesus things to rise to the top. It can take awhile.....maybe even the whole day, but do what you can, as they rise.....then do them. 

If I could explain one thing to others - that I believe would make a difference in the way we treat each other; it would be to engage. Talk to people. Let them know you see them. We all handle our mental stuff differently and the ways can be so different. Sometimes we hibernate/hide from people. Sometimes we scream. Sometimes we lash out, project, get angry and show it. Sometimes we cry. We cry dilirious cries, mad cries, confused cries, overwhelmed cries, not-sure-why-I'm-crying cries. We can be testy OR overly happy......just to crash later. Some of us coast on adrenaline highs, until we crash. Some of us hold on too tight for too long, until everything explodes out and it takes longer for the mess to dry up. 

We are all this walking bundle of energy hoping we are making the right choices when we make them, are too exhausted to make them and choose to ride the wave of others decisions, or are constantly weighing decisions already made.