Ya'll?!

I know I can't be the only person in the world that has moments of feeling absolutely bonkers...... maybe one of the few that will admit it and write about it. It really has me pondering mental health....not mental illness.....mental health. It also has me meditating on what Jesus may have gone through when He was tempted by the devil for 40 days and nights. 

What I seem to go to/stick with.....are the 3 ways satan tested Jesus and His responses. I hadn't thought much on the in between until this week. You know.....the in between had to suck! I think Jesus had to have had, at least, one day where He was lost. He didn't know the "right" move. He felt like His sole purpose that day was to be the whipping boy. 

FORTY DAYS of highs and lows, hunger and thirst, sleep and torment, testing and faith. It really helped me to meditate on this yesterday. If it helps one of you out there to know that there is another person out there that really has it together sometimes and is REALLY lost in the wilderness sometimes.....then so be it. 

Growing up and having a business in a small town feels like you are putting your crazy on display sometimes. It's not "crazy." It is the wilderness. There is no conformity in the wilderness. I like to color outside the lines, but sometimes the wilderness gets to be too much for me too. So much so.....that I'd welcome a little conformity. 

I tell you.....if ya'll could see all the thoughts and ideas that roll through my head, you would NEVER be short of entertainment and probably have a hard time following the storyline.

The truth is.....I feel like I've been out here in the wilderness for longer than 40 days and nights. I kind of feel like I might check in for a time, then check back out......and seem to check right back in without even realizing it. 

I've gotten to a point where I know God is moving, but I don't really know how and some of it....I just need to get out of me. To share it......I'm not even sure if I need to for myself or others....maybe both. 

I started typing out all the things that troubled me yesterday and I had to delete it, because the pressure building in my chest was not the intent of the message.

The intent is.....try to be patient enough to allow the Jesus things to rise to the top. It can take awhile.....maybe even the whole day, but do what you can, as they rise.....then do them. 

If I could explain one thing to others - that I believe would make a difference in the way we treat each other; it would be to engage. Talk to people. Let them know you see them. We all handle our mental stuff differently and the ways can be so different. Sometimes we hibernate/hide from people. Sometimes we scream. Sometimes we lash out, project, get angry and show it. Sometimes we cry. We cry dilirious cries, mad cries, confused cries, overwhelmed cries, not-sure-why-I'm-crying cries. We can be testy OR overly happy......just to crash later. Some of us coast on adrenaline highs, until we crash. Some of us hold on too tight for too long, until everything explodes out and it takes longer for the mess to dry up. 

We are all this walking bundle of energy hoping we are making the right choices when we make them, are too exhausted to make them and choose to ride the wave of others decisions, or are constantly weighing decisions already made. 

Training Ground

 This blog will be about getting where I'm going. The lessons have to take place somewhere and people must witness our imperfections. Lately, I've been reflecting on what has gotten me here. 

I think about one of my other titles....Mom.  Kyle and I just had a conversation with our 3 kids. They like to ask questions about each other like...."What was Kylee like as a baby?" "Was Hunter as chunky as Heath was?" Somehow we got on the subject of Kylee being the oldest and she asked why we did something and Kyle said...LOL "You were the first one. We didn't know what we were doing." 

As we enter different stages of our lives we NEED a training ground. As I make an attempt at relating the two and try to truly capture how GRATEFUL I am for my training grounds, hang with me. I hope this allows you all to have some nostalgic moments FULL of gratefulness for YOUR journey. 

I remember when I was teetering on the idea of building my own business, having the flexibility to buILD the life I envisioned for myself and my family, knocking some barriers down - that were in my way and weighing every. single. thing. I mean....EVERYTHING. 

One of the things that hung me up for awhile was that, up until that point, I had prided myself on my quality of work and I KNEW I would not have the background support....you know, like an accounting department, production department, HR department, like I was used to. I also had never done, what I was getting ready to do so.....I was going in with as much education as I could gather, before beginning the journey blind...and taking others with me. What I mean by that is minimal experience. I had my life experiences on the periphreal of the actual nuts and bolts of the business, but no REAL boots on the ground experience. I had experience within departments of PART of the business. Because I am a person that puts the work in, I had to make damn sure - this JOURNEY I was getting ready to take everyone on was a long-term plan and that I was up for a long adventure. I feel like that again, but that's all that seems familiar. I feel like the next leg of the journey could go several different ways. I also know that it could go different directions than what I'm even aware of, because well....our God is BIG. 

All the feels of this space are so familiar. Imagine.....uncertainty...excitement....motivation...fear of acting....holding onto what I know - instead of just acting.... I know God is always right on time and I can't mess it up, but I always find myself thinking I am missing some sort of CLEAR message and I am getting in my own way. 

I digress....

As parents, we are to "raise our children in the way they should go, so they do not stray from it." Each one of our children have very unique traits and characteristics and God took into account Kyle and I being first time parents, when he blessed us with Kylee. He knew we had what it took to have a second child, change careers, and move home & form an LLC....all at the same time. He also knew that another human needed all of what all four of us could give him. As I reflect on the environments we were in with each three....I'm in awe of Him. 

God KNOWS how I think....and think....and overthink. He provided an opportunity for me to EXPLORE. When I talked to Kyle about it, he was open to it.......and ALL the things had to happen in our lives for him to be open to it. What a wonderful training ground He took us to in Rockport. Three and a half hours from home. He removed distractions and allowed us to focus on us and become who He was calling us to. 

As I sit here typing, and being more aware of the things The Good Lord is calling me to do. I see the last 12 or so years of my life as yet, another training ground. One where people had to witness my growth, the growth of my family, the growth of my faith, the successes, the perceived failures, the way in which I move in between them. Just like I was thankful for my Rockport training ground. I am thankful for this one. This one had a few more dips and curves and peaks and valleys. Now, He is calling US to more. We don't know PRECISELY what it is, but He is and we will find out along the way. 

We all have our training ground, and I have come to believe that God may have multiple purposes for us. OBEDIENCE....EXPLORATION....TRUST....FAITH....COURAGE....PERSEVERANCE... When you BUCK UP BABY & RIDE WITH JESUS it takes all of those things. You best, put them in your saddle bags. 

One of the missions God has for me is simply, sharing my story and sharing my faith, with the hope and intention that it will ENCOURAGE someone else to get to know Jesus. This blog itself, is yet another training ground, where I get to use all the tools in bold above. When you make the choice and saddle up...you will experience it ALL. Your life will be FULL....abundant even. There will be cold, exhausting nights, where you are too broke (in a variety of ways) to do anything but rest....in the cold. Then....He will pick you up out of it and you will be stronger and smarter and better prepared for the next part of the journey.....and it will be an ADVENTURE you would never, ever trade. 

Yes....people will come and go, in and out of your life....and it will HURT. It will bring you grief and sadness and turmoil, but only for a short while. You see, God loves them too. He is teaching them something, just as He's teaching you something. He WILL reward your obedience....small acts, large acts, and continual acts. 

I encourage anyone reading to just sit with Him, even for a few brief moments. Let HIM speak to you, however He chooses and be receptive to hearing Him. Then....in His perfect timing, Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus!

Just Because You Could - Doesn't Mean You Should

 Today, I was brought back to some of the thoughts that ran through my head before I decided to really pursue building my own business, instead of working for someone else. Without Jesus, I would not be here. Those prayers, back then, were a kind all their own....fervent, desperate, FULL of fret and worry, talking out loud ALL....EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. OF. MY. CONCERNS..... Jesus knew them. Even though He called me, I was not able to recognize it right away. I questioned EVERY thought. I thought of EVERY scenario....EVERY possibility.....REALLY sat with the less than favorable possibilities, let it saturate me and then decide if I was willing to make the sacrifice and FOLLOW Jesus's call. A TD Jakes sermon & The Holy Spirit snapped me into action back then and......here I am....more than a decade later.....and TD Jakes has once again motivated me with one of his sermons and I felt that familiar feeling. The feeling of ALLOWING God to show me. To put all my plans, thoughts, ideas, limited knowledge to the side and....well....BUCK UP BABY & RIDE WITH JESUS!

This brings me to my most beautiful lesson this week. In business.....just because you COULD, does NOT mean you should. Sometimes.....we are SO hard-headed that God literally has to LET US recognize for ourselves our weaknesses. He let's us FEEL the discomfort, angst.....He lets us struggle in our limited knowledge. 

I am a person that likes to be in motion. Sitting still, focusing on numbers, piecing things together, and trying to figure out how to make a program work.....that's not my thing. Yes. Once upon a time that was my thing....because I was curious....engaged....interested....learning. That being said, I identified years ago, that - that was one of my least favorite parts of the business and taught, encouraged, hired, and/or trained others to do that very thing. NOW.....as I sit in the middle of my reset, fumbling my way through what's next...wanting to BE REAL SURE I need a person to do X, Y, Z....I have never been more sure of anything in my life.

My brain was SOOOOOOOOOO tired that once I struggled my way through programs and documents and process manuals, and FAQ web pages, then double, triple, & quadruple checking my numbers (which BTW....as I sit at my daughter's music recital, realize I forgot a very important deduction that was accounted for, but not notated) I realized that....when I work myself to a place where basic addition and subtraction is a struggle......it's time to let it go. AND...if that wasn't enough to convince me....after ALL the corrections and THINKING I was printing page 9 of a 9 page document.....I take a call and, by the end of it, have NINE FULL COPIES OF A NINE PAGE DOCUMENT....that is not where I'm supposed to be.... THUS, just because you could, doesn't mean you should. 

God gives us such AMAZING gifts. TRULY, when I started this whole journey FRUSTRATED with my J.O.B. at the time....I HAD NO IDEA that I would one day become a Texas Reserve State Champion Auctioneer, learn how to sell EVERY type of asset under the sun, and HELP RAISE MILLIONS for non profits! In fact, when I started this journey....being an auctioneer was a thought written in a journal out of frustrated prayer. I reached a point where I did all I knew how to do in my own knowledge and ability and I did not know what to do. I AM SO THANKFUL FOR MY OBEDIENCE. 

God knows that sometimes we have to wear ourselves down to the place where we will be obedient; where we have exhausted all we know & we SURRENDER. 

And as I type that, I think to myself....knowing all this....why is it still SO HARD? I'd like to think that God is teaching us how to trust Him the way we will, one day, need to trust Him. Every time we get ourselves to these places we trust God a little more. AND....it is not that we don't want to trust Him...it's that we don't know how and He is teaching us. It gets easier to say yes. It gets easier to step into the unknown and LET HIM paint the road as you walk. We can't rush it. We can't make plans. We can simply EXPERIENCE His goodness and His grace and His mercy towards us & LET HIM SHOW US!

BUCK UP BABY & RIDE WITH JESUS! GO where He takes you. No questions and no expectations. 

A Chapter Comes to an End

You talk about a rough few months. I AM PAYING ATTENTION. I took the liberty of reading my blogs from this first chapter, where the "Buck Up" journey began. As I documented my thoughts and feelings...from the most humblest of beginnings...I would contemplate whether some of those words mattered....whether those stories needed to be told.....whether certain credit was even interesting to the reader. 

I KNOW, without the shadow of a doubt, that IT ALL MATTERS. As I find myself holding a heavy, HEAVY page and have CONTEMPLATED for MONTHS (at least) on whether or not it was time to turn it, I AM SO GRATEFUL to be able to look back at the last chapter. Having the opportunity to use my own words to........give me the COURAGE and STRENGTH & CONFIRMATION to turn this heavy page is a beautiful gift I gave to myself....and others, quite possibly. 

As I read my blogs from the beginning of this journey it was really such a mix of awkwardness, nervousness, uncertainty and gradually mounted to EXCITEMENT & courageous steps, INTENSE moments of soul-searching and digging and digging and digging to get to my WHY. Part of me was SO glad when I left the "corny" stage of my blog writing & now, as I grin recalling it, I think....maybe I should inject a little more of that "corny."

My WHY was SO clear. It was SO incredibly clear from the beginning.....to help people. Whatever people came into my life I wanted to help them and I did. I went from wanting to help the organizations and bidders that gave me a chance to the friends that were comforting in scary times to other auction companies, to the clients that hired me to assist with settling their loved one's estate to raising money to help make a sick friend's life easier. Then I transitioned to wanting to help other auctioneers, working mothers, women in business, people on the edge of making a life-changing transition. 

What a journey.  WHAT. A. JOURNEY! As I begin quoting the courageous words that have given me all that I need to turn the page I want anyone reading this to KNOW.....IT ALL MATTERS. It matters SO much...even the corniest of the corny! Buck Up Baby & be BRAVE enough to put yourself out there KNOWING that you will grow. You will grow into who you are called to be.....and you'll keep groWING. 

Why is this page SO heavy? Well....it's FILLED with these invisible questions that have no answers. Energy used to not really be a concern of mine. Ten years ago, I had plenty of it and the excitement of something new just fueled it. Now, in my mind, each invisible question has a weight I attach to it. EVERY decision we make takes a certain amount of time, money, and energy and you can't get it back....not easily at least. Now my fuel supply of experience was slowing me down. As I went back to my very first blog called "Just Gettin' Started," I say: "If you don't know what to do...just do something. That's probably the sales skills in me." 

This is the first known picture I have of me selling. This is at Carmine VFD, taken by the late Melissa Wickel. 

I don't know (in FULL view) what is next. I have these little bread crumbs. That is all I have, and...the combination of bread crumbs don't always make sense, but then again....neither did a young mother, with a college degree in advertising....& a good paying job....feeling called to figure out all she could about the business of selling things by talking fast. It really is SO much more than that, but I'm not sure I knew that in the beginning.  Here is to me doing SOMETHING. I am turning the page, finishing the chapter, and starting another.....with a COMPLETE blank page in front of me. 

From "Startin' to Tackle That Mountain," I said: "My overall MAJOR plan is to pursue my auction career. I have a plan, but having worked with MANY businesses of all shapes and sizes over the last 7 years I KNOW that certain elements of that plan will have to change, happen sooner, happen later, happen differently, not happen at all...So for now, until I get more of the details panned out, I'm pursuing my auction career." 

I smile as I re-read that. I had NO IDEA what was in store for me. I had dreams, within the industry, that I chose not to pursue.....because I was made aware of something bigger and better than what I was able to dream. I smile because I made a business and a life and MANY friends doing things in this industry that I had NO KNOWN DESIRE to embark on. When I wrote that I had NO IDEA that I would go on to have numerous appearances on a hit TV Show, like Texas Flip N' Move or achieve the title of 2021 Texas State Reserve Champion Auctioneer. I'm still working on the Champion title. 

Photo Cred: Myers Jackson on my first or second shoot with Texas Flip N' Move.

Wrapping up shoots for a season.

Toni, Donna, & Randy joined the Buck Up Crew for Lights, Camera, Texas benefiting the Family Crisis Center and Children's Advocacy Center.

One of my last shoots. We brought little Hunter along. The last season I shot with them I was either pregnant with Hunter or just had him. The fam made a trip out of it with me and we spent a few days in DFW. 

Last 4 Photos: Photo Cred - Myers Jackson

Today, my overall plan is to turn the page. I have ideas and I have the ability to pivot at any given moment. God & life has taught me that. 

There reaches a point when you reach the goals you set out for. You made and continue to make the most of EVERY situation. You EXPLORE and you find. Then...you find yourself wanting more of something and not really knowing what. For me, I want to live out God's purpose for me. I don't want to miss a thing. I don't want to NOT experience what God has planned for me. In God's most perfect way, The Holy Spirit led me to a class that was less about skill development and totally about self-development and discovery. It was the Interpersonal Communications Class offered by the National Auctioneers Association. I wrote a blog about my experience called "Accept the Compliment." 

My Interpersonal Communications Class

The Compliment Giver - Suz

The life-changing truth uncovered about myself in that class was: "I had such little respect for myself that I squandered every EXTRA ounce of energy I had on being better and perfect for other people, with ABSOLUTELY no regard for myself." Yeah...it's HEAVY.....kind of like this page I'm getting ready to turn. It amazes me how we function...how we cope as humans....and the things we do in response to trauma. I REALLY do want to experience all God has planned for me and there was no way that was ever going to happen if I didn't own the fact that I was not respecting myself and then dive into what that meant. As I look back, this was a pivotal lesson, that took quite some time for me to grasp. It also took me down and kept me on a path, I hadn't planned on going down. 

Now.....having walked through similar situations meaning....hitting "brick walls" within the workplace...when it was The Good Lord's way of shutting doors to help me make the decisions He needed me to, to get me going the direction He needed me to. Another example would be....things just not working and forcing me to make decisions I would not normally make. I AM PAYING ATTENTION.  I have walked that walk and do not want to resist that truth any longer than necessary. I have identified these transitional moments and messages as I have made my way to where I am now. 

Over the last several months I have found myself unwilling to be disrespectful to myself. Isn't that a novel idea. I find myself being more thoughtful, asking myself more questions before making a decision, saying NO more easily, knowing what I DON'T like and what I will not allow to mess with my peace. My peace has become EXTREMELY important to me and if someone or something is not contributing to my peace, it has made my decision-making process much easier. MUCH. In fact, I have made decisions that create short-term stress at the aim of life-changing peace. 

My blog post: "A Locomotive Rolling Down the Tracks," is raw. It is real. It is confusion and frustrations and thoughts that went from my brain, to my fingertips, to your screen. You may want to check it out for reference. In that post I said: "For 10 years I built and developed something that I thought I wanted to, that served a purpose and helped many people - including myself, in many different ways and in many different seasons." I DID build and develop something I wanted to. Just because that is what I wanted then....when my focus was SOLELY to be better FOR OTHERS and their needs. That does NOT make it wrong. The way we did things, the choices I made, the services we offered were COMPLETELY in line with what was important to me. Now....other things are important to me also. HONORING and BEING KIND to myself is something brand new that BARELY existed in the last chapter. Now that, that vision is clear - I can turn the page and invite you along. 

Father, I am thankful for these words....Your words that you have brought me this week, to ENCOURAGE me to believe: "For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope." Romans 15:4 NIV

You can check out my other blog: Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus!

Buck Up Baby....& turn the page!

Power in Words & Deeds

 There is power in your words and even more power in your actions. In almost every situation, every decision that has to be made you have the power...yes YOU have the power to either encourage, enhance, motivate and show kindness OR partner with the enemy and seek to steal, kill, & destroy (John 10:10). It really is that simple. If that decision is grounded in the love of the Father, it will be LIFE-GIVING. 

Review your day.... Think about decisions you made: conversations you had, speaking without considering how the other person may receive it, posting something, not communicating an important update.... What were they grounded in?: love, hope, faith, or fear, anger, self-seeking desire, money... Think about it folks. 

There are a lot of people that have done and said and posted things lately and I'm not so sure they understand the POWER of their words and/or actions. Stop telling people what they should do, how they should do it, using people, manipulating people and situations and think that you have the authority to do it! GOD gives each and every one of us free-will and we should do the same for each other. 

You are either dividing or bringing together. You are either encouraging out of love, out of fear, or out of selfish motives. Love the people you want to love on and leave everyone else alone. 

When you operate in a place of fear, anger, money, jealousy, self-seeking desires.....you are partnering with the enemy. You are allowing the enemy to use you. 

Have you guys seen what's going on in the world???? Nobody's got time for that. There is plenty of hate and fear in the world right now. Buck Up & GET. IT. TOGETHER. 

For real....we all have many, many choices every single day. Choose who you want to work with (Jesus or Satan). Your decisions show your heart. The wonderful, wonderful, BEAUTIFUL gift God has given us in Jesus, not only gives us power, but also gives us the blessed gift of FORGIVENESS! Did you make a decision rooted in sin? Guess what......turn your heart to Jesus, repent, & it is TOTALLY FORGIVEN! WIPED CLEAN!!! If you get bucked off....BUCK UP BABY & RIDE WITH JESUS! He will get you back in the saddle over and over and over again.....as many times as you need to build  YOUR trust in Him. 

Buck Up Baby!: Covid-19 Experiences

When I first started this blog, I NEEDED a place to unload all of the thoughts, ideas, and excitement I was experiencing when I decided to continue to pursue my auction career. Nine years later, I find myself in a similar situation, with a total different cause.

Ever since President Trump & Governor Abbott, started the social distancing recommendations & COVID-19 has ultimately changed all of our lives....I've been doing my best to roll with the flow. Serve where I can, tighten up on our policies and procedures, become a teacher to a 5th grader and 1st grader, navigate childcare & work, be a source of support for my family, employees & clients, figure out if SBA has a product I need to pursue, get taxes filed, checking the updates and information on the CDC website & Facebook, listening to the updates from our governmental leaders, navigating "essential" work, tracking buying and selling trends....doing what I can to keep everything going.... & well....it's time. It's time to use this space to share my experiences, thoughts, ideas, excitement.....and confusion, doubt, faith.... whatever comes.

Tonight, I want to share my appreciation for my family unit. I appreciate how, the way we care and observe one another is changing because, we have been spending more time together. I appreciate how my husband was interested in silly little details about our evening, that he normally didn't ask about when at work. I appreciate how my son was ADAMANT about all of us getting dressed up for supper at home. We weren't eating unless I put a dress on, Kylee did her make up, & Hunter put shoes on. Heath had on a button-down, nice jeans, boots, & hair gel :). I appreciate how much Hunter LOVES to dance and how he literally watches everything Kylee & Hunter to AND they are noticing it.....& changing their behavior (in a good way) because of this. I appreciate Kylee's ideas. They are really great & unique & EFFECTIVE.

The wrestle for the day was homework. I wrestled a few different ways. I think the first wrestle was how to work in the homework with the other things I needed to do & planned to do. Then the wrestle was the "plan" for homework took way longer than expected, because the kids' attitude towards it was different than it has been. Next thing you know...the two year old pulled out a large pack of solo cups. It MIGHT have taken 5 minutes until all 3 of them were making their own solo cup castles/towers. With the solo cup architecture alone I watched as my 3 kids experienced: teamwork, frustration, perseverance, measuring, strategy, tenacity, speed, distraction, communication, and accomplishment.

While things aren't how we thought they would be....I'm lovin' life. I'm also wrestling with adjustments, BUT I feel extremely blessed to have the ability to adjust & feel an unusual peace, knowing that we are ALL adusting & adapting together.

I ENCOURAGE everyone to Buck Up Baby & be KIND to one another. One thing I've noticed is, in uncertain times, REACTION to the changes screams out...making things more uncertain. TRY to relax into the change & look for the door, the window, the way to go. Some days will be better than others. We are ALL trying to do our best.

Accept the Compliment

Just over a year ago, I was sitting in a class at the National Auctioneer Association Designation Academy. This particular class was not one where I would have the opportunity to earn a designation, but, by doing the work, I earned A LOT more. It is like getting a gift that keeps on giving.

The class is called Interpersonal Communications & everything is pretty top secret. That being said, I had a personal experience in that class that....truly, until the last couple days, I didn't really understand. I didn't know how to handle it & it became BLATANTLY obvious in the class. I did not know how to accept a compliment.

Our Interpersonal Communications Class

I am not claiming to fully understand the complexities of ME, but....again, it's like the gift that keeps on giving....I see a little more.

I can't remember the exercise, but I can remember my dear, dear friend Suzanne giving me one of the most sincere compliments I have maybe ever been given. If you knew my friend Suz you may describe her as the heart emoji on Facebook, where the hearts are just beaming and shooting EVERYWHERE. Well picture me as Princess Leia on Star Wars shooting those hearts with laser beams. I mean...I was trying to go every which way, in any direction I could, physically with my mannerisms, mentally & emotionally....forget it! I don't even know where I was going.....just out of there. The teacher made me sit there and accept it.

Suz & myself in Vegas. 

Here's the thing; It wasn't like I didn't want it or like to hear it. I LOVED hearing it. The issue came when I was asked to really process it & let it all soak in.

So that led to what came next....TEARS. Tears because I was so ticked off that I could not accept her compliment. TRULY accept it...with all of me. This was a compliment.....I was & am STILL so very grateful for on SOOOO many levels. Tears because I felt like I was being chastised like a child to accept something so kind AND THAT I HAD TO BE. AY CARAMBA!

LOL! Suz was just looking at me like....😳... Not expecting my reaction at all & not really knowing what to do to help me process it. Needless to say....that day, I left exhausted going around and around and around trying to figure out what is going on with me that it triggered that sort of reaction & like all good things....I needed time.

Me, TK, & Suz having lunch during one of our breaks. 

I sit here reflecting on my life in its entirety & I have pondered some of the new choices I am implementing in my life & how it has changed me in such a short time. Since the time of this reaction I have brought into our family a precious, precious third child & I reflect on how my time management has HAD to change & how I am adapting in somewhat of a clunky manner, yet fully & completely making the space (mentally, emotionally, & physically) for this new little blessed person. I have a better appreciation of the actual time in a day....my time....my energy. AND, it is not that I didn't have an appreciation for it before, but I have a better appreciation now because I have to.

Me & my sweet Hunter

I can't believe I am putting this out here like this, BUT I had such little respect for myself that I squandered every EXTRA ounce of energy I had on being better & perfect for other people, with ABSOLUTELY no regard for myself. That being said, the thought of what neglecting myself was doing to other people around me, wasn't even on my radar

When Suz shot that SINCERE & REAL & EARNED compliment my way.... I. HAD. NO. SPACE. FOR. IT. It was like a machine short-circuiting.




I #1 had NO THOUGHT or CALCULATION in my limited capacity, so NO PLAN on how to accept it.

& #2 had never....EVER had someone hold me to the fire like that. That made me face it.

And what still blows my mind....is the "thing" I was having to face was something that was SO kind & true & real & authentic & so, so special to ONLY me.

As I type this, THIS Christmas morning.....after my midnight round of Spark, allowing me to pull an all-nighter and accomplish getting all the presents wrapped without the children seeing....yep! Still going! AAAND.... allowing me to ponder what this season is all about.

EVERY time I think about Christmas, my mind goes straight to the crucifixion. Baby Jesus came here to die for me. I have a shot because Baby Jesus loved ME enough to WILLINGLY hang on that nasty cross. 

What will I do when I'm faced with that fire? I think my reaction just over a year ago is a glimpse.

I also think of the love of Baby Jesus through the love my sweet, almost 9-month old baby shows me. He loves me ALL THE TIME: when the house is messy (which is always), when I forget things, when I mis-schedule a meeting, when I accidentally bump his head on something.... He loves me because I show up. He loves me because I'm there.  He's loves me because (no matter my mood) I have chosen to sacrifice a piece of me for him. Jesus loves us like a baby loves his momma.

"Be It Unto Me," by Liz Lemon Swindle: This is a beautiful piece, depicting Mary & Baby Jesus that was shared on Facebook. It totally grabbed me. 

Have I loved myself, like Jesus has loved me? Have I loved myself like my baby boy has loved me? So far, not. even. close.

I know that I am only dipping my toe into the water of what that reaction is really ALL about, but I share this NOW because I know there are other people out there doing this....being SUPER hard on  themselves & shortchanging themselves of the real, true love that is out there.  I also know that some people may never have an experience where it does come to the surface. God has designed me in such a way that I desire to put myself thru the ringer! Squeegee me out until there is nothing left & take me Home!

So the moral of today's story....Buck Up Baby & accept the compliment. Allowing ourselves to be open & vulnerable & soft enough to accept the love being laid on us will only strengthen our entire being and those around us. Every single person we came in contact with over the holidays is affected by the care, or lack thereof, we give ourselves. When we shortchange ourselves, we also shortchange them. All this is easier said than done, which is why I am SO glad Jesus loves us and has blessed us with The Holy Spirit to help us.

Merry Christmas to you all, my friends! May The Holy Trinity cover us with the abundant love & protection of our Father and walk with us, teaching us to love ourselves, like He loves us. In Jesus's Almighty Name. Amen.

Buck Up - It's a Call to Action

Hey Everyone! Over the last year the fact that my blogging has been ALMOST non-existent has been nagging at me. I still have topics to write about come to mind, but it is finding the time to write them! Well I have decided to dedicate time each week towards blogging & a few other things, that I can't wait to put into place!

"Buck Up" is a call to action and has several different meanings in several different dictionaries, but TODAY to me...it means It's time to take action! Share our AUCTION journeys & LIFE journeys & really get back at it!

A month ago Tuesday, we were blessed with our 3rd child! Mr. Hunter Wayne Kaspar has joined our little family & he fits right in! I have been reflecting so much, the last several weeks in particular, & I just feel extremely blessed that we are surrounded by ALL the people we are surrounded by.

While I was pregnant with Little Man, I had several people ask "What are you going to do now?" or "Man, things were really moving with your business. I guess it will have to slow down now..." & a handful of other comments along those lines. The way I see it is...he just fits right on in, to life how we're living it. All this reflecting has given me a VERY clear direction of where I want to go & a more realistic viewpoint on the time it will take to get there & that PEOPLE in your life are what you live and work for & are your safe place and they are worth protecting, honoring, & enjoying. Life doesn't just stop or abruptly change. It's a constant flow of people coming in & out & one thing evolving into the next. I have an incredible team behind me, a supportive family all around me.

Our little family is just livin' it & lovin' it & trucking right along! Hunter has already been on several AUCTION ADVENTURES with Me & My Mom & crew members & we've got many more up ahead!

Day 1 with Hunter :)

The whole fam: Kyle, Me, Kylee Jo (8), Heath (5), & Hunter. 

Here is a link to a vido of Hunter & I on his first Flip N Move Trip! If you have trouble viewing LIKE the Texas Flip N Move Facebook Page!

https://www.facebook.com/TEXASFLIPNMOVE/videos/1920135228299495/?hc_ref=ARSq1y2WaOJd4SHbkwzG0jz2z2gTgY4P7gXqi88I7FYSj05o4RSS0bG2t1zT7sCZp_I

Everyday we have the opportunity to Buck Up & enjoy new adventures, make new friends, & take those we love along with us on the ride! Stay tuned for MORE adventures & don't forget to BUCK UP BABY!

Startin' to Tackle That Mountain!

I've been wanting to do this for quite some time now & the week of Thanksgiving I took the first MAJOR step. Believe me....there were quite a few little steps I had to take to get to that point, but it's done.

I gave the company I work for my 30 day notice & for the first time in my working life....I don't have another JOB lined out, but I do have a PLAN & a mighty exciting one!

I won't lie. This is probably the SCARIEST thing I have EVER done....EVER.

I want to share a small piece of the journey that brought me to this point, b/c I'm well aware that some people will have their opinions & some...quite frankly....may not get it & that's okay. That's what makes this world go 'round.

My overall MAJOR plan is to pursue my auction career. I have a plan, but having worked with MANY businesses of all shapes & sizes over the last 7 years I KNOW that certain elements of that plan will have to change, happen sooner, happen later, happen differently, not happen at all... So for now, until I get more of the details panned out, I'm pursuing my auction career.

It has been a little bit of a mental roller coaster for me for several different reasons. Here are the MAJOR ones:

1) I have a VERY strong faith & I pray A LOT. This whole auction journey adventure all started while in prayer & for a while now - I knew I needed to act on it, but I didn't know how. I didn't know what I wanted to do EXACTLY. I didn't know how I'd help support my family. I didn't know how I'd replace my income. I did not know HOW.

2) It is hard, Hard, HARD to step out into the unknown. SO hard...& SO ScaRY.

3) I have dealt with NEGATIVITY for years now from all kinds of different personalities: prospects, co-workers, clients, bosses, business personnel, patients, families.... & for all kinds of different reasons like: money, power, work loads, territory,  protocols, end product results....or literally having NO interest in what you have to say. BUT - This step  COULD  mean managing negativity from some of the people that I LOVE most & it took me a little bit to MENTALLY PREPARE myself for that.

4) Knowing that IF I made this move there would be A LOT of change. Finances would tighten up. That means that life as we are living it - changes & we won't know exactly how - until we get the ball rolling.

5) Getting the support from  my husband & my uncle. - THIS was the scariest for me. I hold SO much weight in their opinions & NEED their support. I NEEDED them to hear the plan, see the plan, understand the plan, know why I want to take this HUGE step & have them aware of the way life COULD change - positively & negatively. I needed them to know that I wasn't just shootin' at this thing half-cocked. It went almost SPOT ON to what I expected. Once they had a little time to work through it - JUST LIKE I HAD TO - I had their SUPPORT. ONCE I HAD THAT - All that was left to do was ACT on it, so I did.

6) Right now the hardest part for me is finding out the WHERE & I'm workin' on that.

I have been BLESSED to have family & friends PUSH me & SUPPORT me & ENCOURAGE me. I am BLESSED to have professionals of the field offer their guidance, help, & support.

I am BLESSED. When I was praying that early, EARLY Sunday morning - wanting a change, wanting an option, wanting a way to love my husband, raise my children, & KNOW that if I worked hard I would be rewarded ALONG WITH my family. BECOMING AN AUCTIONEER was TOTALLY NOT WHAT I WAS EXPECTING, BUT - by God's grace I called my loud-mouth Daddy that told my Uncle Mele (even when I told him not too) & it opened up a whole new world of opportunity for me & totally unexpectedly. There is so much more out there than any of us would have ever thought.

I gotta tell ya! I know I've been a little dormant in the blogging world here lately, but it is some kinda tough to have a blog called BUCK UP BABY! when I KNEW that I needed to BUCK UP in a much bigger way. It is all a process. I truly think we are conditioned for what is to come. We are put in certain situations to learn from them & add a little something to our toolbox.

Well here's to more AUCTIONS, FAITH, BLESSINGS, & BUCK'N UP BABY! Prayers welcomed.

CALLING ALL AWESOME PEOPLE!

CALLING ALL AWESOME PEOPLE!

Calling all people that want to LEARN something!

Calling all people interested in the AUCTION WORLD...

Calling all people that want to learn a thing or 2 about small businesses...

Calling ALL CrEaTIve people :)!

I have a project. I have A PLAN. I have a NEED for some folks who need something too..... education, intern credits, something to do......good company. I can't pay much, but I buy good presents & keep cold drinks.

If you dig RESEARCH, marketING, BRAINstorming, BuYing things, Selling things, SURFING the web, hollerin' REAL loud....LET ME KNOW. If you know somebody....LET THEM KNOW.

Just wanted to throw this out there. It may be for ya......It may not.

EMAIL ME @: HDSKaspar.buckup@gmail.com

STAY COOL PEOPLE....it's hot out there & BUCK UP BABY....shoot me an email & let's do this ;).

A Pregnant Auctioneer

So....How's that work? That was the question I asked myself when I found out I was pregnant with Baby Heath.

I do the first thing I thought of & Googled it. What did I find.....NOTHING...except pregnancy symptom sites. So....I looked a little harder and found all kinds of things about breathing devices & an older blog post from a female auctioneer (not pregnant & not about pregnancy & auctioneering). Then I think.... "Well....who could I talk to?" All my mentors are men & let's face it.... They just won't GET it or they think I can't handle it... OR they just giggle and congratulate me like my teacher did.

So folks....Here it is.... My EXPERIENCE as a PREGNANT AUCTIONEER.

LOTS of emotions were felt. Right timing? Can I still call bids? Will I have to stop the bigger I get? Could it hurt the baby? What will the auctioneers I'm working for think? What will this do to my progress? How will it limit me? Can you tell I worry a little?

I'll start from the beginning. Right Timing? What have I come to see? PERFECT TIMING! This was a personal question....that had LOTS to with other situations besides auctions. God's timing is ALWAYS PERFECT! We prayed & still PRAY for a happy, healthy baby & wanted Kylee to have a sibling. We were ready to try, then a few uncertainties with work arose & we thought maybe we should wait, but OBVIOUSLY that didn't happen :).

Baby Heath @ 31 weeks :).

Does what is going on with your full-time job REALLY matter...in the GRAND scheme of things? I KNOW GOD has equipped me & my husband with the tools I need to SURVIVE & SUPPORT my family in ANY situation. Everything in his plan is PERFECT & has a PURPOSE.

This is my favorite pic. Some people see & some don't, but it looks like he's looking at the camera. His eyes are open & you can see his sweet little cheeks & chin :).

As far as all the specific worries about being a PREGNANT AUCTIONEER.....it will all depend on your body, what you're used to, what you health is, BUT....for me.....I kept on keepin' on. I called bids in Odem up until I was 5 months pregnant. It kind of worked out as a good stopping point b/c we had to move for my full-time job. The auction in Odem is A LOT more INTENSE than some of the FUNDRAISING & EVENT GALAS I have continued to do. You're, pretty much, on your feet from 9AM until about 4 or 5PM & your catching bids, calling bids, answering questions from LOTS of bidders..... I miss it, BUT it was good timing.

I made the personal decision to keep it quiet. For several reasons.... BELIEVE ME.... I'm sure I THOUGHT about things TOO MUCH. This industry is SO different & so PREDOMINANTLY MALE that I just didn't have the energy to deal with ANY negativity. I REALLY want to do the BEST I can & DO NOT want to be looked at as WEAKER, LESS CAPABLE, SOMEONE to WORRY ABOUT....any of that. Now let me tell you.....The folks over at ELCO Auction are some of the BEST you will find.....not just as an AUCTION COMPANY, but as PEOPLE. I had only been helping them there since January & was JUST getting to know their regular bidders & to be honest....IT MADE MY LIFE EASIER....by handling it the way I was MOST COMFORTABLE with.

Lookin' a little large there :).

ANOTHER REASON I decided to keep quiet is.....working in the CORPORATE WORLD...(no matter what ANY handbook or company policy says) you have to PROTECT YOURSELF as a WOMAN in the WORKPLACE. EVERYONE looks out for NUMERO UNO & we should too! REMEMBER that ladies. I was in the middle of a potential work transition  & I didn't WANT anyone to think I was LESS CAPABLE. This is a WHOLE 'nother blog post....BELIEVE ME.

Carmine Church Auction.

There were a couple of potential auctions I was turned down for. I can't say for sure why, but if the auction was relatively close to my DUE DATE (5 months +) I would be UP FRONT about it.

I could & can PRETTY EASILY handle auctions that last a couple hours or so. At about 5 months....BABY HEATH was getting HEAVIER and my LUNGS had LESS ROOM to move, so (A LOT OF TIMES) I got winded. LUCKILY....at MOST of the AUCTIONS I've done after 5 months....I've had UNCLE MELE there. I also got a little warmer than normal :).

Again....your HEALTH & the HEALTH of your BABY are the MOST IMPORTANT things. I've been EXTREMELY BLESSED to not have to battle high blood pressure, gestational diabetes, or any other complications - Thus far & have a HEALTHY, GROWING BABY!!

Besides my Doctors...the only person I could REALLY talk to about the whole AUCTIONS & PREGNANCY thing is my VERY GOOD FRIEND & FELLOW AUCTIONEER..... Mrs. Stephanie Womack out of Nachadoches, Texas. If you're ever in that neck of the woods be sure to stop by Liquidator's Auction. She's got a sweet little girl too & will one day....probably have to go thru this same experience. It AMAZES me how the GOOD LORD puts certain people in your life....

I was worried about my progress as an auctioneer. This should probably be a whole 'nother blog post, but I'm dumping it all RIGHT HERE. GOD has a way of keepin' us on track. At the time we may not understand it OR agree with it (so foolish, but true). In this journey I have encountered A LOT of unknowns, opportunities, crossroads, questions, & have figured out A LOT about who I want to be, don't want to be & what I want to do. POTENTIAL OPPORTUNITIES turned into MOTIVATORS, but not necessarily the opportunity that I expected. I'm still at a few of those CROSSROADS & still have UNANSWERED QUESTIONS, but realized....I'm dealin' with GOD's TIME & MY TIME. I don't have to make some of these decisions b/c somone tells me to OR go a certain direction - until I figured out what is RIGHT for me and MY FAMILY. That took havin'  A TON of DIFFICULT DECISIONS dumped on me (at once) to figure it out....

Last question I had for myself...will I need to quit the bigger I get? Well...I can't say my experience will be the same for everyone. I called bids at 2 auctions this weekend. My due date is November 18th & GOD-WILLING, (if I'm not havin' a baby) I'll be calling bids at one on November 10th. Granted....I WILL NOT do a big auction alone...BUT I sure as heck don't feel like its too much. I still work on regulating my breathing & SUPRISINGLY being PREGNANT has helped me with that.

FOLKS! 2012 has been a RoLLer CoAsTer of a year for me. Sometimes it's hard to have a blog titled "Buck Up Baby," when you feel like runnin' off to a FAR away land.... That's NOT exactly what I'm all about, but the idea has been TEMPTING. It has been a real MiX of REALLY GREAT things, NOT SO great things, & CoNfUsing & DiFFiCult things....and all of them having a pretty SIGNIFICANT impact on our lives. BUT...like always...the WORDS ring TRUE: BUCK UP BABY!!

SOMETIMES....you SADDLE UP, climb on & WHOOP & RIDE & PULL that head around, but you JUST GET BEAT. I don't know about ya'll....but I learned from little on that - THAT was ONLY ROUND 1. You pick yourself UP, dust off, & CLIMB on again (a little MORE DETERMINED, pissed off & MEANIN' BUSINESS). You keep at it long enough & you'll wear'm out. PERSISTANCE my friends... The LONGER you go at it - the more you'll WIN. LIFE is a MARATHON just PREPARIN' us for that FINAL JOURNEY. SO....BUCK UP BABY & give it all you got!

STAY TUNED!! UPCOMING BLOG: Martinis, Minks, & Manure GALA!!! Sounds like a BLAST doesn't it?!

Creating That Sense of Urgency

First off.... I apologize for my lack of posting lately. Hopefully...over the next few months I'll be able to share stories with you about the last couple months :)!

At the last general consignment auction I helped at, we did things a little different.

We started the auction out....like we always do. Well...we had A LOT of items and not near as many bidders as we did the month before. I call bids closer to the end and you could tell that there was VERY little interest in some of the items... It was kind of like we were pulling teeth to get a $5 bid at times - so a couple of the auctioneers decided to ShAkE things up a little bit.

It seemed a little CHAOTIC at first, and it was a little hard for the clerk to keep up with everything going on because we were skipping ahead 20 lots, then we'd go back 10, etc. I have to say though...that she did a FANTASTIC job. She's good...

So instead of beggin' for a bid, we asked the bidders to tell us WHAT they wanted to bid on. One of the other auctioneers would go with them, get the lot number they wanted to bid on, we'd get it up on the screen - so everyone knew what we were selling. The person that wanted that lot - started the bid. Then I auctioned it off and we went from there. We developed a system and kind of had the Auctioneers/Ringmen take turns with the people that came to them for an item.

I DEFINITELY have never seen that done, BUT it did the job. It was the end of the day and folks were kinda sittin' there with their eyes glazed over. This made them get up to their feet, so they could bid on what they wanted. If they wanted it - they had the chance to take it home if they were high bidder & we didn't have to worry about passing over items. AUCTIONS are ALL about URGENCY! This helped pep things up a bit!

I had to share that story. You never know what could happen at an auction and every one I go to, I seem to get put in a little different situation.

Be expecting MORE posts this week. I've got a lot of catchin' up to do. Remember to BUCK UP BABY! I kinda feel like the pony express! I've been ridin' hard in SO many different directions - I can't seem to catch up. Don't fret though....everything will wind down eventually and I'll have some pretty cool stories to tell :).

I'm a WINNER!!!

I'm a WINNER!! Not a real long post today!! I just want to give a GREAT BIG shout out to Rural Women Rock! If you don't follow that blog...you should & tell us about yourself!! It's VERY inspiring to meet other Movin' & Shakin' RURAL women....that have figured out how to MAKE THINGS HAPPEN. PLUS....they have ANOTHER give -away :).

So...They had a give-away.... The 2nd of 3.... AND I WON!! Little excited?! I'd say so. I won this AwEsOmE, AWESOME necklace from Harley & Maudes! Go check out their Facebook Page!!

So...I knew it said "Rural Women Rock," BUT I did not know it had a little quote on the other side that said....."She believed she could, so she did." I KNOW....such simple words, but I've got a FANTASTIC way to look a situation UP, and down, & all around & then back AGAIN. It's good in most cases, but sometimes....YOU JUST GOTTA DO IT and it'll all work itself out :).

Anyways.....SOOOOOO happy! BUCK UP BABY & make it a GREAT week!

My Top 10 Blogs of 2011

Hey Everyone! So....I was reading Crystal Cattle's blog and got the idea to do my own Top 10 Blogs of 2011! Thank you Crystal Cattle for having such an AWESOME blog!! I love it! She talks about anything from Agriculture, Fashion, Photography...check it out!

Breaking into the blogging world has been so much fun! It's hard to believe that people from 20+ countries across the WORLD have read MY BLOG! I have been introduced to A LOT of new VERY INTERESTING people through this and have LOTS of ideas of how to tweak my blog, maybe start another, and become more diverse in the social media area. Find me on Twitter: hdskaspar

There is one blog post I wrote that DID NOT make the Top 10, but it is one of my favorites! It's called: Dirty Old Salebarns. Check it out when you have time.

These are my Top 10 Blogs of 2011:

10) Livin' Like A Gypsy...EVERYWHERE!

9) Auction School Day 6: The State Has More Codes Than Morse! - Mr. Moon

8) Special December Junk Prom!!!

7) KISS This!!

6) Gobble Gobblin' Good Time!

5) Hometown Jitters...

4) It's All Better in Ledbetter :)

3) A Little Constructive Criticism

2) Dancing at a Funeral ?!

1) Texas WILD FIRES

There are A LOT of changes on the horizon for me. I'm VERY much looking forward to 2012. I DO have SEVERAL New Year's Resolutions & I'm sure they'll come up in my blogs!

Here they are:
1) Eating Healthier
2) Starting an ACTIVE workout routine
3) Keeping my car cleaner
4) Keeping my house cleaner

 Thank you all for reading my blog! Remember...whatever you do BUCK UP BABY! If you're gonna do something do it right and ENJOY every minute of it! Have a safe New Years!